Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] Speaker A: Welcome to H. Rodney.
[00:00:06] Speaker B: Rodney talks for the superstars.
Hello, I'm Mick Arnold, president of Arnold packaging and Arnold Automation.
[00:00:15] Speaker A: And I'm Brit Arnold, president of Tagler Construction and supply.
[00:00:18] Speaker B: And welcome to a new episode of Love and Business.
[00:00:22] Speaker A: And today, as a mom of a three month old and father of a three month old, I'd like to dive into being a mother as well as a highly ambitious, career oriented woman because I know there's a lot of other women in the same exact spot, and I want to get into it. The challenges, the stereotypes, the advantages, all of it.
[00:00:44] Speaker B: Yeah. That's wonderful. And I, too, would like to come along for the journey.
[00:00:47] Speaker A: Okay, let's do it.
[00:00:48] Speaker B: I feel like I already am along for the journey.
[00:00:50] Speaker A: You're there.
[00:00:51] Speaker B: I'm not the mom. I can't.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: And I'll preface this. It's not all majority. 90% is going to be about motherhood. That's what we're going to talk about today. But some of it will be applicable to parenthood in general.
[00:01:02] Speaker B: Yeah. And I think that's good. I mean, we.
I have said many times on the podcast that. That this is a very half of the whole endeavor that we take right where average. Sometimes someone's pulling a little more and sometimes pull a little less. But net. Net, we're each doing 100% of half, which is. Which is. Which is cool. I mean, it's how we always do everything. And I think going into this, when you were pregnant, I thought, wow, you know, will that continue? Just because it's not always the way that it works. And there are those stereotypes, not that you and I pay much attention, if any at all, to them, but I think it can also happen to you unknowingly and maybe just because of you're immersed in it for your entire life. And, you know, and we as mammals have been immersed in it and for. For centuries, at least centuries, you know, back to the cave where there were hunters and gatherers and that whole piece. But that's been. That's been wild. So I feel more than ever, I'm actually in a position to contribute more than I would be able to otherwise.
[00:02:09] Speaker A: And we are going to get into exactly that.
[00:02:12] Speaker B: Good.
[00:02:12] Speaker A: And so when we started talking about this, this topic, I thought, we both thought we would call it mompreneur, or it would have mompreneur in the title or the name. And I started digging into that terminology, and as defined in Wikipedia, a mompreneur is a female business owner who actively balances the roles of a mother and an entrepreneur. I align with that. That's about where it stops my alignment. As I kept reading, investopedia adds that mompreneurs are a relatively new trend in entrepreneurship and have come to increase prominence in the Internet age, with the Internet allowing entrepreneurs to sell products out of their homes rather than relying on foot traffic to brick and mortar business. And as I kept digging, I was finding that Mompreneur had more of a feel like it was a working mom who came up with a side gig and started making some money from a side gig, and it almost painted. And that's amazing. And I know there's a collection of women that, that have done that and are doing that, but it doesn't at all describe my situation or many other women CEO's or just working women that those of us that are working full time and overtime and have children. And for me, I was an entrepreneur that had a child. I didn't become a entrepreneur once I had a kid. And there's a real difference there. And I almost, for me, like, I don't align at all with mompreneur. I'm still just an entrepreneur that had a child. And I'm figuring out how to still run the business exactly as it was before, keep the business running as it was. But I'm actually going to have to run it, find ways to be more effective and efficient in running it, and then also raising a child.
But the way the mompreneur is painted, if you read through articles, I mean, there's all time it was in NBC News, I found an article, US News and World Report, there's a Mompreneur magazine, there's all this terminology is used a lot. It paints almost like this very cute picture of a mom who's with her kids all the time and has all the flexibility and work life balance, which I feel like I have none of and less of. Does that make sense?
[00:04:32] Speaker B: No, it does. It does.
And listen, I am careful about taking news articles and making laws out of them, but I do understand and listen, I have all the respect in the world while raising children, which is incredibly difficult and challenging to also cause, you know, there's any number of families or couples that decide to do none of it, and that's great, too. So I think the Internet piece is huge. I mean, obviously, that wasn't even an option. I think the fact that you even get to make a choice in today's world is very unique. I mean, when I was a child and you were a child, there was not this thing called the Internet.
Your parents had to make just a few choices. It was one stays, one goes, both go, one changes their career. That was an option, right. One stays, the other changes their career into a part time something. But certainly jumping on the computer and generating revenue was not an option. That was not something that was gonna happen.
[00:05:34] Speaker A: No. And if you are a mother who has figured out how to do that after having children, like I said, that's amazing, but I don't align with that, and that's not what I'm gonna be speaking to today.
[00:05:46] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:47] Speaker A: Interesting fact to statistic to what you just said. And I believe this was from a 2020 report, so, a little outdated, but it said that only 27% of women were working full time after their child. At least one child was of three years old or older, and 90% of men were still working full time. So there's still a very. It's. I mean.
[00:06:14] Speaker B: Yeah, and then that data, too. I mean, if you remember.
And the pandemic hyper exposed that, because when there was no childcare options and one of the parents had to go home and raise the children, it was generally the mom. And we know that because we track females in the workforce, and that number dropped like a rock. So, historically, and typically, that's what has always happened.
But that's different. You know, I mean, the number of times that we've had conversations or someone would say to you, and in a nice and very polite way, well, why don't you just knock it off, right? I mean, why don't you just stop working and raise your child exclusively?
[00:06:53] Speaker A: Right? And we've. I mean, you even had the older daughters and not. They've made reference to that. I've had. I know. My parents tell me often their friends will comment, well, that's great. Britt can pull back a little bit and spend time with moxie, and that's just anybody that's a business owner. Business doesn't stop. Like, because I had a child, nothing changes. I just have to figure. I. We. It's never. I. We have to figure out how to get it all done differently. And I say, get it all done. And people are gonna be like, well, get it all done. Like, just figure out a way to get it to raise your child. I don't mean it like that. I just mean to continue to have a thriving business and a child. Things look differently, and we need to want to do both.
[00:07:37] Speaker B: Right? Yeah. So, between us, I mean, I think to really nail it for our audience is we work very hard on collectively meeting all of the demands at the very highest level, right? Not just getting it done or passing it off at the very highest level. So tagular construction has got to work at the level that it did. Pre mocks and Arnold packaging does, and then as does McBrid ventures. And Mox needs all the care, too, right? So none of that gets to sit on the sidelines. So you get hyper efficient. One. It's scheduling. I mean, I think that's something that I've really enjoyed watching us do. I mean, there's been a lot of give and take, you know, and each of us have had to give up equally some personal, self selfish time. And I just mean that because that time was absolutely disposable and we got to choose what we did with it. A lot of times we chose to do something together.
But now it's an important. Whether it's your workouts and things that are critical to you and things that are critical to me, now we've got to be hypersensitive to threading that needle and making sure that we're creating the right amount of capacity everywhere, all the time. And I think that is the thing that's really resonated for me. And just how much more important? Like, you just don't have the luxury of taking certain things for granted, or next thing you look around and no one's watching the kidde. Right?
[00:09:02] Speaker A: Yeah, I would like to.
[00:09:04] Speaker B: Hello. Hello.
Where'd you go? I don't know. Where'd you go?
[00:09:07] Speaker A: Yeah. Let's describe in detail before we get into anything else. Cause I think this is gonna be really important for our audience exactly what our situation looks like. So as we're going through the rest of it, the context is there. So our situation right now, moxie, is tomorrow, three months old. Exactly. So what we're talking about now isn't always gonna resonate with somebody that has a toddler versus a teenager. But we are in the heavy duty, hands on newborn, cannot do anything for herself.
[00:09:41] Speaker B: And I just wanna interrupt for 1 second. And not only will it. Not only will it not resonate, I do remember having a certain amount of selective memory. Cause these parts are really hard. And you'll actually even forget about some of them. We'll actually be reminding some of the listeners if they're onto toddler phase or onto a different older phase with different challenges. With different challenges, 100%. But we'll remind them some of the three month phase that I'm sure they have conveniently and smartly blocked out some.
[00:10:07] Speaker A: Of it, I mean, some of it to protect themselves. And we now have a au pair living with us. So our au pair typically works seven to four or seven to five, unless moxie goes to my parents. So let's just. Moxie goes to my parents house, usually Thursday into Friday, but clean and simple. We have coverage from about seven to four to seven to five during the week, and then we take Moxie at four or five, and then we have her. Obviously, we'd have no help on the weekends, so that's what our particular situation looks like. And even with that help, it's still challenging. Now, one of the challenges I experienced, which you touched on a little bit in another episode, was getting over that initial guilt of handing moxie off to someone else. And I know almost every mother can resonate with, like, that idea that your child is going to be taught by some things, by somebody else. They're going to potentially start loving somebody else. That's not you.
I don't worry about it as much right now.
I still worry. I still think about it. Not worry, think about it. Cause she's three months, but once she gets a little bit older and starts to recognize people and faces and learn a little bit more, it will get harder for me. I know that to be a fact, and I knew it would be hard. I don't think I knew how mentally challenging that would be. However, to run a business and raise a child, have two parents running two separate businesses and raise a child, there was. There's no other option for us. We need that coverage during the day to run our business. Now, the nice part is, with the way Tagler construction is, we do have, and we always have had, a hybrid model. So although I'm working during those hours, a lot of times I can be around Moxxi and at least be around her and see what she's doing. Now, another thing we didn't realize is that when you have a newborn and you have an au pair, the au pair cannot be alone with the newborn until they're three months old, which we've just reached. But that in itself was a challenge, because either you or I have to be there with the au pair. So it's like, okay, we have an au pair, but we're sort of babysitting the au pair.
[00:12:33] Speaker B: Yeah, we're watching the au pair watch mock child, and meanwhile, she has exponentially more experience with newborns than both of us combined.
[00:12:39] Speaker A: Yes. And I, you know.
[00:12:40] Speaker B: Thank you. Thank you, attorney.
[00:12:41] Speaker A: We should do.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: Thank you, attorney.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: We should do. Like anybody who's thinking about the au pair and the au pair process, I'm not going to go too much into it, but I would have listened to like a 15 minutes introduction for somebody who went through it before we got into the process, just to understand it because it is pretty fascinating and there are a lot of nuances now. We're figuring out a lot of them once we're in it, both good and bad. But that's been a fascinating process, but also just emotionally and mentally challenging, but necessary. And I always said one of the hesitations or reservations I had to having a child was that they partly would be raised by an au pair or a nanny, and it was just going to look different for the child that we had, as it would for a child that had a stay at home mom or dad. And that was part of the deal. On the flip side, I think it's fantastic for kids to get to see their parents hard at work and getting dirty and doing like. I think that is just as valuable in my opinion. More valuable, but I easier said than done before. You actually have the kid and you're in it and you're experiencing it and you want to be with them all the time.
[00:13:49] Speaker B: Yeah, I think so. You said mentally tougher than you thought. I think it's actually emotionally. And what's the emotion that you're. That you're. What's the emotion that you feel in those moments when you're, you know, quote unquote handing her off? And again, you're handing her off across the room right now because of flexibility. But not now, right? We're here shooting. We're in a podcast. Mox isn't in the building.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:09] Speaker B: So what's the emotion? Is it guilt?
[00:14:11] Speaker A: Yeah, it's guilt. And also, I mean, part of it is just like, I honestly want to be at two places at once. Like, I love working so much. Nothing has changed about that. I'm so inspired by the people I work with and the career I have, and that's not changing. But also, so much of me wants to be there with her and just being there with her, with her first moments and teaching her and like, I. I've gone down also. Just like that rabbit hole of making sure she's always stimulated and learning and developing as a human, that's equally as important. Not being able to split that time and just that balance of it, which is why at four or five when we get her, I am present. And on the weekends, obviously, we're with her 24/7 where else, obviously. But we're doing stuff with her. We are constantly because we don't have as much time during the day. So want to make a optimize all the time that we do have. But I would say that's a long way of saying probably guilt.
[00:15:08] Speaker B: Yeah. For the dad side. And, you know, I don't know if this is a male thing or because I don't think I had a different experience with Brooke, Grace, and Liv going to work or doing what needs to be done.
I don't experience any significant level of guilt, so I say none. Like, yeah, whatever. No, but probably not to the level you do. I think there's a maternal component of that. I mean, you obviously carried her for nine months. That's a different connection than a dad has physically grew inside of your body. So I would say I think I'd probably be able to parse out and maybe it's just convenient for me to do so so I don't have to hurt my feelings. The difference between guilt and what needs to be done.
I agree with you. It is great for Mox to see how we go at it, just like it is for Brooke and Grayson and Olivia. It's interesting to watch them experience that or hear them comment on it now that they're old and they have older and they have jobs. You know, Brooke is now a full time employee, and Grace is working as an intern and, you know, half part time, but 24 hours a week. So now all of a sudden, I think it's interesting to watch their experience of watching dad work like a dog, especially early when, you know, the company wasn't quite as solid and still dog, but some of those were really, really tough and also kept me away from them. Like I was absent in spots because I truly couldn't be in both places at once. But I think from my side, and maybe it's because I see that. I know it's great for mocks to see that type of demonstration. Well, I miss her terribly, too. And I know it's important that we keep good on all of our promises to cut Tagler's client base and Arnold's client base and all the people that we support and are ultimately responsible for. I think I'm able to get that in the. A certain spot, maybe right, maybe wrong, but in a certain spot where I am not riddled with guilt as I'm walking out of the house at 07:01 after I've handed off, literally handed off mox to Gabby.
[00:17:18] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think part of it, too, is I know if I was home being the, a, just loving her so much, but b, also being a perfectionist and type a. I would have this whole day curated where I think it would be, like, the optimal day for her.
[00:17:34] Speaker B: Oh, it would be a practice schedule, but poor child.
[00:17:38] Speaker A: No, I think.
[00:17:39] Speaker B: You're welcome, Moxxi, I'm saving you. You'll watch this in the future and be like, oh, thank you, dad, but.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: She'S not getting that right. She is whatever the au pair wants to do. And we suggest things to Gabby, and we. You know, there are things where, like, we would really like to see Moxie do this. We will buy her things, or, like, we would really like her to experience this thing. And Gabby's listening, and she's great, but she's just. She's just not me, and she's just not going to do exactly how I would do it. And that bugs me a little bit, that, like. Because I could make that choice if I wanted to. Like, I could go do that. I don't know if I could, you know, realistically. But a lot of women do choose to do that. They're like, I'm gonna be home. I'm gonna be writing the curriculum, if you will, for my child, and make sure that that's what they do. And I don't have that control right now. We can do with or what we want outside of when Gabby and our au pair is there. But. So that's. That's part of it, too, I think. Like, part of that guilt is. Is that. But I think in moxie, being able to watch and experience what we do in the workplace and even outside of the workplace and our other goals that we have or side ventures her getting to see that and be a part of that, because we do, you and I have the flexibility, because we do own the companies, to bring her in and be a part of it. Whereas if you are working for someone else and inside of an organization, you might not have that flexibility. Your kid is not part of this company. You can't just bring your kid to work where we can do that with Moxxi. So it does afford us, I think, this extra luxury, I'm gonna call it, for her to be a part of it and with us more.
[00:19:16] Speaker B: I'll tell you what, the other thing that just hit me too. Duh. This is a duh moment. But the other thing that probably makes it different for me harder, easier, is that I grew up at Arnold's factory supplies. I mean, that whole idea, I mean, that is what was demonstrated to me, for me, with my parents. My mom worked, and we hit on this in the last episode. So it was very common. You know, whether it was President's day or, you know, whatever all the comparable holidays are now just went to work. I mean, there wasn't, they weren't bringing in a babysitter for a day that wasn't a thing, certainly not during the day. So you're right. And maybe it's so common and, or comfortable to me that it's not alarming in a way that it might be to somebody else. Especially if, you know, if you were raised with your mom at home, you know, you left in the morning to go to school and you wave by to mom and then the bus pulled up and, you know, she grabs you off the stairs. And I have the visual of that that's not how it went in the Arnold household because of the demands of a small business and all the things that had to get done. So that might be part two of, besides being a male, male mammal might be a little easier because that's very familiar to me. And I think I turned out okay ish.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: Yes. But we're talking about now when she's not here at work. So it's a different, different phase. And ultimately, I'm saying the same thing. I think that life you lived is what I want her to live. And I think it's more important. If it wasn't, I'd be making different choices and doing different things, probably. But knowing as she gets older, she is going to be a part of these businesses and seeing it. And again, not just part of the, I say part of the business, I think part of our work ethic and everything we do inside of our businesses and outside, like part of that and that culture, I guess, for lack of a better term.
[00:21:02] Speaker B: Yeah. Not just an okay thing or an acceptable thing, an effing great thing.
[00:21:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:05] Speaker B: That's how I experience it.
[00:21:07] Speaker A: Yes. So, you know, there are, there are certainly a lot of challenges. And the one thing we talked about, obviously, we just hit on was the guilt part of it. But if you're going to be a full time, you're going to have to have help.
Also, the piece, and I experienced this in the very beginning of that sense of losing your identity a little bit. So as a, especially if you were very, very career driven for a long time, like me, I had a baby a little bit later in life. I know there are women that are having it much later even than I in life, but I had a pretty long Runway of being in the working world and working towards building Tigler. I mean, almost eight years before I had my first child yeah.
[00:21:52] Speaker B: But let me interrupt, though. But you. And regardless of what shingle was on the front, right. Whether it was Tagler or the prior employers that you had, or professional sports all the way down, you went at it like that the whole way, right?
[00:22:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:05] Speaker B: There was no change. So that level of intensity and commitment, regardless of what the target was, you've always experienced. So that was a, you know, a 30. I think you were 37 when you had mocks. Right. That was a 33 year event, right? Yeah, exactly. Sorry, everybody. Yeah. So let's just say from the year you were four, when you probably started kicking the soccer ball around, that was a 33 year event of that type of intensity and going to the goal, whether that was the business goal, the soccer goal. So that is a rather significant swerve for a moment.
[00:22:37] Speaker A: Yeah. And what scared me was in those first months, not for probably first three. First month, I'll call it. I think that's fair.
I started to feel like I sort of, and I'm using sort of in the literal sense, I feel like I am gonna want to stay home with her. And, like, I'm not sure I feel the same way I felt towards all of these things. Like, I question that because it's this new love of your life and you're like, of course I want to stay with her all the time. Like, I can't even imagine going back into my, like, that's not what I want. But then as I think, as I level it out a little bit, and I.
[00:23:16] Speaker B: As your hormone started to come down.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: This side of her and I settled in and I got used to familiar, I should say, with still getting used to being a mom. Then I came back to, okay, settle down. Still, love works. Still. I'm still definitely the same human, but now with a child. But at first, I really wrestled with that identity because when you are in it and you are aggressive and you're just career oriented, all of a sudden it just switched. Nobody can prepare you for that. You're a mom, and all of a sudden you're a mom and you're not necessarily don't know how your identity is shifted. No matter what, your identity shifts. You are different.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:24:01] Speaker A: And I think we have to distinguish between different. Not bad. Different has been associated with being diminished in the workplace, and it's just different. And I think almost an advantageous. And there was actually a book, I haven't read it, but it's called the motherhood advantage.
And I like that. I like the changing of that narrative because while it can be hard and challenging, especially in the beginning. And it may be a little bit detrimental to your career just in trying to juggle being a mom to a newborn and either running a business or being, working full time. I mean, I'd be lying if I said, of course you're gonna have extra challenges and you're figuring out, and it's not gonna, it's not gonna be this linear. Like, I'm gonna be able to do both great at all times in the beginning. No, it's a lot of work to figure it out and settle in. But I think in the end, the advantages of being a mom are, as they translate to business, are much greater. And I do think, I hope that employers are starting to recognize that. I certainly do. Like, if I'm looking at a line off of people I'm hiring, and I know this is a mom that wants to be on my team and has raised children, I'm definitely, and I'm not just saying this now, understanding what it looks like being like, oh, I like that because I know of the challenges that that woman has overcome, and it's still probably dealing with, and, like, that kind of will translate to business.
[00:25:35] Speaker B: You know, they're incredibly organized. That's one thing, you know, because without organization, it falls apart in a big hurry.
[00:25:40] Speaker A: Right? Organized, yes. Time management, prioritization, resilience, multitasking. I mean, those are not just words I'm throwing out. Like, when you have a child, all those become exponentially more important. And we talk about this all the time, the urgency, the efficiency, being more effective in what you do. I don't work just to work anymore. I don't do things that are not trivial. Like, I get the big things done. I am as effective, as effective as I can be with my time. We are threading the needle, as you always say. I mean, it is, like, crystal clear what needs to get done, what doesn't, and when.
[00:26:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I remember. I'm just gonna share this with the audience. Cause I think the people that listen to us a lot, I remember long about month seven or eight, you know, and you had such a great pregnancy and continued to do basically everything you always did and wanted to do physically, you know, on the treadmill. I mean, your schedule really didn't change. I mean, as you got further into the pregnancy, certainly, you know, your ability, the lengths of your run shortened. But I do remember there was a point where there was a significant shift in the demands Mox was putting on you while you were still carrying her. And I vividly remember the mental shift that you went through, and you even said, I'm worried about losing my identity. And I think it was around there because at that point, it was like, uh oh, I'm definitely not calling. You didn't know what not calling the shots was going to look like, but that was a glimpse into it, for sure. When she, you know, she took your hips away from you, I think is what happened. Right. Is physically that became much more challenging. And you were now walking 3 miles. You weren't sprinting 13, which had been going on pretty much up until that point.
[00:27:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:31] Speaker B: And I remember that being a bit of a battle and which was shocking to me only because I had never seen you in that position before and certainly made all the sense in the world when you explained it to me. But it was not something I was looking for or my radar would never have been tuned into that. Just knowing that you. That I met and fell in love with.
[00:27:53] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think there are a lot of women that dream of being mothers, so it just may and I don't know, but maybe they don't have that same fear. And for me, like that, it was like towards the very end of pregnancy when she was laying on a certain way where I just. It was painful and. Yeah, so not only was I becoming a mother, and then you worried about the career and then the athletic ability and everything just compounding, and it's like, holy shit, this is all different, and you're not prepared. Like, your entire life is about to change, and you don't know. I didn't have the tools to handle it, because how would I?
[00:28:31] Speaker B: And there is no playbook because those games are all very personal and very individual. There's no playbook that someone could share. You might hear something and have some overlapping experiences would make you feel maybe a little more comfortable because your cousin had a similar experience when she was pregnant or something. But I think those. Those playbooks are so individual that I can't imagine you would ever have anything but your exact own experience.
[00:28:57] Speaker A: I agree. And now that she is three months old and we've had three months under our belt, I feel, yeah. Good about it. Any, like, prospective moms or that are fearful or still working through it like, it is so normal, and you will figure it out just like we have. And hopefully. I mean, I imagine it's harder for people that don't have a partner that they're in it with 50 50 like that. Again, that's a different scenario than we have because we're literally in this together, 50 50.
So that's like, that's all I can speak to, but I feel like we're figuring it out now and. But even so, like, where I'm. I'm. I still haven't figured out what I haven't figured out, and I posed this question last time, was to be able to run our businesses top notch and still spend very present time with Moxie, other than what we're doing, which is, like, serious time management prioritization. There is no. There's new things on the side. So, like, I. I haven't read a book in three months since Moxie's, and I'm just using. I used to love to read. Sure. Like, there's anything outside of business, working out, spending time with family and occasionally friends that.
[00:30:15] Speaker B: Who come in with our families, generally, they're usually invited along or it's part, you know, we've increased our crowd presence because we have less time to spend with each of those individual contingencies. So, thank goodness they're all such amazing, wonderful people and love each other that they all just get together. And that's been so important.
Selfishly keeps us from picking and choosing, if you will, but when you have finite resources, that's the definition. You pick and choose when you have finite resources.
[00:30:44] Speaker A: But that's. I mean, so it's like business, health and wellness, family, and mixing friends with family. That is all.
[00:30:51] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:30:51] Speaker A: There is nothing else that we're doing. Like, anything outside of that. That we used to love. Like, you're not singing anymore. That you, like. I'm not ready.
[00:31:00] Speaker B: Sing to moxie.
[00:31:01] Speaker A: You sing to moxie.
[00:31:02] Speaker B: She does seem to love it. I believe I'm excellent.
[00:31:05] Speaker A: Sure. But, yeah, just like, not. We're not reading books. We're not, like, socially going. Going to have a drink. Nothing else is happening. That is it.
[00:31:15] Speaker B: You know, it's funny how we know that, because we went back. I went back and did a. I think we share this. We just share everything.
Did an analysis of our credit card bill and part of what was interesting because it was this year, most of which was, you know, pre mocks and just noticing all of the things that were. That would happen. Right. And they were social events, this or that. And then it's like you draw the line at May 7 or going into May 7, really around the time where the pregnancy started to lean on you heavier then, like, you could watch anything that looked like dinner out or something. I think we were just happy to hit the couch and catch our breath for a second and prep, because there was a lot of prep too, in fairness, you know, we were flipping the house over and redoing the whole house, doing any number stupid things that we could have done much earlier. But that's not how we attack.
[00:32:01] Speaker A: That's not how we attack it. So there's not a work life balance. There never was. There never will be for us.
And it's not like things are different. They shift. So I don't. Not good or bad. They're different. And you figure out how to shape your life to create what you want. It's all possible. We are making this possible, but we've had to make hard decisions. And consciously and unconsciously, I think we've done it to achieve that.
[00:32:36] Speaker B: I would say. I mean, I'll mention. I'll give you a shout out for one thing, that you do a lot less of, and not that you were ever ridiculous or obnoxious, but social media, you've cut out. And not that you are hanging on Instagram or any of those, but there was a certain part of your day when you needed a mental chewing gum break that you might catch up on Instagram or something along those lines. And then for me, it's literally sleep. And thanks to the, you know, the aura ring, I can track the data and know that one of the things that I have given back from my. I used to take some of my disposable time and go to bed and.
[00:33:10] Speaker A: I take a nap.
[00:33:10] Speaker B: Or take a nap. Yeah. Nap is not so much a thing anymore. If you can squeeze one in while mock sleeps, that's one thing. But as you look back at. All right, what did I used to do in general? I'm a six hour, five hour sleeper. And even actually built that out a little bit more. I've definitely given that back.
Where did the time come from to invest back in moxie? And that's been an interesting thought process for me. Or as I'm taking stock of it, because I'm literally taking stock of my time.
What's different now? Versus. Let's go back one year ago, you know, when we were just doing our thing and doing whatever we were doing. So it's been interesting to track and understand.
[00:33:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I totally agree. And so I'm trying to figure out, you know, there are things, I think we're running the business as well. And I think I've talked about wanting to get back into ultra marathons, and then we want to be with Moxie and still with family. And while we're doing it well, I still, like, I want to have more time or do it better. Because even I, even when I'll be honest, like, when four or 05:00 rolls around, I'm there and I'm present and I have, and that'll be that. But I still feel like there's so many things that haven't gotten done. And I'll always feel like that we never go to sleeping. Like, oh, we got everything done for the day. Like, there's always open ended.
[00:34:29] Speaker B: And if we did, we'd lop something else on. Yeah, right. The second we felt like we were even close to having, quote unquote, it all done, we'd be looking for some other pursuit.
[00:34:38] Speaker A: But I feel like I need to, now that we have things down a little bit, like, I need to create a couple more hours to get a few more things done. And we had a discussion just this morning, and what's gonna get cut out and cut into is sleep. And that. And I've come to peace with, like, that's just for this phase of my life, our life. That is going to be the thing that gets sacrificed. And you could say, well, you know, well, Bert, you used to wake up at, at 03:00 and you were working out by 330. Like, just go back to doing that. Well, it's a little different when you're spending hours feeding your child in the middle of the night or, you know, you've got the 10:00 then you've got the 01:00 and it takes an hour. Like, it's not the same.
[00:35:18] Speaker B: Sure. And even when I'm doing the feeding, you're awake. And even when you're doing the feeding, I have one eye open nuts. He's one of the loudest eaters in the entire world.
[00:35:26] Speaker A: She's just loud and hungry.
[00:35:27] Speaker B: And when it comes time to burp, she's pissed. So there will be no sleep.
[00:35:30] Speaker A: She's very sleeping.
[00:35:31] Speaker B: There will be no sleeping at dinner time, whatever. And she has 17 dinner times a day.
[00:35:36] Speaker A: I'm just trying to, like, if I can. And there's still just so many other challenges to it. Like, somebody's got to be there before we hand her off. But now, you know, my thing is, like, how do I get up a few hours earlier, start the day, and I don't. Is there anything, I mean, something has to give. Like, we would be lying. We were sitting here like, this is all great. We're gonna figure it all out. No, something has to give. You make choices. We talked about the choices we were making, and now we have to figure out the sacrifices we're willing to make. And I think, for me, it's got to be sleep. I'm not sure where else I'll pull. I'm not pulling it from her. I'm not pulling it from the business, and I'm not pulling it from family, and I'm not pulling it from health and wellness.
[00:36:13] Speaker B: So.
[00:36:13] Speaker A: Yeah, well, I guess you could say sleep is health and wellness, but we're gonna. We're gonna.
[00:36:17] Speaker B: Yeah, but the other thing, we've also just, you know, we've been back and forth on, you know, during your pregnancy, our alcohol consumption dropped to almost zero. Right, yours dropped to zero, and I.
[00:36:30] Speaker A: Was thinking it was almost zero.
[00:36:32] Speaker B: I think I need to be very clear. Had a few. Your shot intake went down exponentially. Everybody used to pound him and do the worm and. Yeah, yeah. The belly shots. Or what do we call this again? Body shots.
[00:36:41] Speaker A: Body shots.
[00:36:42] Speaker B: Yeah, body shots.
[00:36:42] Speaker A: Dang, you don't even remember the name.
[00:36:44] Speaker B: Yeah, well, it's. Because it's been so long. But you had that big mountain. No, that's not cool.
Yeah. So that was part. That was something that went away. And now we realize that now that Mox is here, and we do get a moment, right, if she's with a relative or something, and we have a few extra cocktails that actually digs into our productivity. The other day. The next day, Sacha's like, oh, hell, that's not gonna work.
[00:37:06] Speaker A: So, again, this is good. Another conversation we just had a couple of days ago. I'm like, I'm good for, like, I don't. I'm not gonna be drinking alcohol for this phase either, because that's another critical decision we have to make, because we do not have the hours. And if we're serious about what means the most to us, like, I don't want to be feeling not great on a Sunday and then, like, have her be posted up and not playing with her. Cause I don't feel great. Like, that just feels so selfish to me. And so I'm like, if family and work, and if our partnership, family, work and.
Yeah. And our health and wellness, which we need all the time, is our priority, then what else is gonna go?
[00:37:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:50] Speaker A: Like, it might be cocktails. So these are just, like, all part of the things you realize as you're moving along. You just can't do it all, so things have to be cut out hard.
[00:37:59] Speaker B: Yeah. I think we're just sharing our conscious choices with the audience. And if you're listening in your home with a three month old, then maybe you can take some of these ideas away.
[00:38:10] Speaker A: Yes. So let's shift into. Because I did say with all the challenges, I think a lot of that and we touched on a few of them, but can be turned into real advantages. And I'm talking about motherhood here, but I think a lot of these apply to just parenthood in general, for sure.
And one of the things for me, and I do, I have touched on this in a couple of the other episodes, is just this feeling like you are not in control anymore. Your newborn, your toddler, your child, most of the time is calling the shots and having to come to terms with that and be okay with that and then adjust.
And that has brought this weird sense of calm to me because when you realize, like, you can only do so much and a lot of it's out of your control, you just have to deal with it and adjust. It took. It took a sense of pressure off because you're, like, realizing, like, that structure is not going to be there and it's not going to be perfect and just let it go and get all the shit. Say I get all the same stuff done, but it's not going to be necessarily on ondem.
It's Tuesday, and it's not going to be necessarily what I had on my head on Monday.
[00:39:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Your trajectory is not going to be this very calm one of these. Well, I'll give you an exact, exact business comment. Three of our seven values, commitment, adaptability, and team first. So you tell me, what could be more important in this part of our life just versus our work, than commitment, adaptability, and team first. Right. Team being, you know, our immediate family. You, me, Brooke, Grace, live Mox. And then, you know, certainly parents are right there on the edge, but. But that direct responsibility is that crew. So what could be more important than commitment, team first, and adaptability?
[00:40:03] Speaker A: Right?
[00:40:03] Speaker B: Because, I mean, the commitment's got to be there. The adaptability piece you speak of is just this never ending zigging and zagging. You know, whichever I choose, Mox tends to choose the opposite. Sometimes we sink and it's great, but when we don't, she's not going to change her ways. Right. It's only about me adapting and putting the team first, whatever that looks like. And from a time perspective, supporting you, supporting her, supporting Brooke, Grace and Liv. So there are three values right out of our company that are exactly the same values that our home team has.
[00:40:37] Speaker A: Yes. And when you bring somebody who can adapt and shift into your organization and align with the values that you have, I mean, that's really valuable because that's what our businesses are.
[00:40:48] Speaker B: It's mandatory.
[00:40:48] Speaker A: It's mandatory. Yes, absolutely.
And another thing is our children, and I think for most people, they add this extra layer of just both inspiration and motivation, I think. And when I'm doing certain things, I do think of Moxie a lot, wanting to do this for her. Or if she were to see this, would she be proud of what she's looking at? I'm sure you experienced that with the older girls when they were growing up, too, and now as well.
[00:41:23] Speaker B: Sure. No, I think both. Both of us. All of us as well. I mean, such a different lens for them, you know, with grace, for example, working well, great. Grace puts out the social media for everything we do. Right. So Grace is literally on our team, and it's wild to have conversations with her. And the Love and business podcast has been two great things. It connects the dots for her in a way. Like, I'd love to have the time to sit down endlessly with Grace and say, well, let me tell you how we got here. I mean, now there's this living, breathing thing called love and business that she can learn about, or it'll fill in some of the gaps or connect some of the dots for her. It's also going to make sure it's around forever. So whatever teaching she doesn't catch, she can always go back and watch.
[00:42:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So that's. I mean, that's the added inspiration and motivation when you have a child.
The other thing that is really different, not diminished, different. And I think actually an advantage, another thing I've also touched on, but I want to lean into it a little bit more, is just feeling more empathy and a little bit more nurturing, more of what I've just called a feminine energy that I just didn't align with before. I think we all have some.
[00:42:39] Speaker B: Not only did you not rely on, you even rebelled in some spots, or it was so far into you, it was foreign, and you couldn't even get your. You couldn't really get yourself into the same space as it.
[00:42:49] Speaker A: Yeah. And I don't think rebelled because I wasn't consciously rebelling. Again, it was like an organic. Right.
[00:42:56] Speaker B: Just because it was so unfamiliar that it didn't even occur to you.
[00:42:59] Speaker A: And, you know, I was in the business world, which is dominated by males, but also in construction, which is really dominated. So just a lot of male energy, just career oriented, and just didn't feel all those feminine. They just didn't feel that feminine energy that I really do now. And I realized, like, how valuable that is for male or female. When you run a business, it really does allow you to connect. So one, I've been able to connect with women on a much different level, which has been amazing. Like the much deeper connections almost instantly, even since I was pregnant.
[00:43:39] Speaker B: Yes. And then the name called mom is a pretty wild tribe.
[00:43:43] Speaker A: Right? I didn't know. I didn't know that club. And I like now being a part of it. It's so different. You instantly have a connection with another mom. It's just there.
And then being able to just relate and understand your teammates and better and just being more empathetic as a human is a better quality to have. I'm not great. I'm still working on it. I'm certainly not the most empathetic person or the most nurturing, but I feel it now more than I ever have. And I like it.
[00:44:14] Speaker B: Yeah. The evolution is on.
[00:44:16] Speaker A: Yes. And I think also, and you tell me, I think we have as a culture, at least here in the United States, have embraced that a little bit more. That sensitivity, empathetic, vulnerable, feminine energy type of vibe. I think that's way more accepted now and talked about. And also, I mean, you'll see it, like, what is the support Olympic, the women and the Olympics are getting? I mean, maybe this feels like there's, like this culture of women and femininity.
[00:44:50] Speaker B: And even a movement. And I'm not going back to, you know, movements of the past, but. But true movements. Right. Whether because I think that, you know, some of the movements of the past were exclusively women led or exclusively women supported, that is not the case anymore. Whether it's investment in sports and female sports and. And even just consideration. Is this the first time that the Olympics had daycare and a nursery?
[00:45:15] Speaker A: At the Olympics, they had a nursery.
[00:45:16] Speaker B: I mean, come on, give me a break. Right?
[00:45:19] Speaker A: So that's what my people will send me, the article. And I'm like, well, about time. But also I have to look at it. It's progress.
[00:45:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:45:26] Speaker A: So. And I want to be very clear. It is never. It's never for me, like men versus women. It's the. It's not at all like I will. I never think like that.
[00:45:39] Speaker B: We literally need each other.
[00:45:40] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's like a real progress. And maybe that's part of, like, what I'm feeling and leaning into because it's also more heavily talked about and accepted, and I wanna be a part of that movement. And I'm trying to figure out how to actually align my business Tigler with female sports because female sports, I think, is a real vehicle for social equity and for females and just equity in general, as I think businesses and I think there's a way to intertwine the two. And that's what I'm trying to figure out. Cause they're my two loves, but that's.
[00:46:13] Speaker B: For a different day and all that connectivity, too. Girl scouts, just pick another one. Let's just say your sport, athletics, isn't your first love, but girl scouts, there's so many different outlets that are amazing that can connect all those little girls and have them come up and through together loving and doing the same ultimate things. Right. I mean, because only like a fraction of a fraction of a fraction or going pro in anything, they're all going to have to get jobs and build careers and hopefully ones that they love and are crazy productive and make the world a better place.
[00:46:41] Speaker A: Yeah, sure. But I mean, business, you know, is on a world stage as a sport, so there's no more, like, those vehicles are really powerful in, in the name of, like, social, I'll just say all equity for women.
That's a little bit of a side tangent, but we'll get into that more cool observation.
[00:47:01] Speaker B: Yeah, cool observation. Appropriate. On, in the midst of the Olympics.
[00:47:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:47:05] Speaker B: Where, you know, us female, all female athletes, but us female athletes are showing up in a huge way.
[00:47:13] Speaker A: And this is, I meant to interject this earlier, but an interesting story that I heard now we're talking about currently, and I'm bringing us back. But Ruth Ginsburg told this story and she told, she said she had, she called him a lively son, and she got called once a month to come into school because of her lively son.
[00:47:35] Speaker B: Right.
[00:47:36] Speaker A: And to talk about his behavior.
And she said she always did, but obviously she was a very busy woman and she always made the time. And then eventually she said, well, I'd suggest you start calling the other parents, her husband, 50% of the time, too, because she said, they only called me. And what happened was they ended up, she realized they ended up stopped calling monthly and it eventually was quarterly, and then it became like twice a year because the school didn't feel right disrupting her husband's very important work schedule.
[00:48:14] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:48:14] Speaker A: And the way, like, the work was perceived, what, the importance of the women's work to the men's work. And I think we're, I think, I hope we've progressed since then. But that's a, I thought that story was like, wow, like, that's a really interesting.
And tell us the story.
[00:48:33] Speaker B: Yeah, that social net has been laid over us for such a long period of time. It's not going to resolve. If you think it requires resolution, it's not going to resolve in the very foreseeable future. But I think it's moving at a pace and has a momentum like at no time in the history of mammals.
[00:48:50] Speaker A: And that's why I think a good ending point would be. That's why I wanted to talk about this is the difficulty of being a working mom, or a working parent, and particularly working mom and having a child, and it not being perfect and it not being the description you're gonna read of what a mompreneur is. And you don't have the work life balance or the flexibility, but it's like dealing with the challenges and figuring out how to make them advantages in the workplace, and also just ways that I think it's really valuable to collaborate and say, this is what works for me, and let me pick some pieces that have worked for you and let's put it all together and try it out. Because we're all working through this thing and figuring it out and there's no perfect solution, but it is possible in this day and age to do both. But it's just how it's going to be done. And we're just sharing our challenges and what we find valuable, but it's not the right way. And I don't think we'll ever sit here and say this is the best way. It's just what works for us. And I think, like, the sharing of those stories in our experiences is the most valuable thing always.
[00:50:03] Speaker B: I think the only thing appropriate for me to say is, can I get an amen?
[00:50:06] Speaker A: Amen.
[00:50:07] Speaker B: I would never follow that with anything more than can I get an amen?
[00:50:11] Speaker A: And cheers.
[00:50:12] Speaker B: And cheers. That seems appropriate to me. Well, as always, thank you so much for listening to the love and business podcast. I hope you love that topic today. I thoroughly enjoyed getting all of that out. I mean, it was such an amazing opportunity to take stock of where we are so far.
[00:50:27] Speaker A: Therapeutic bit.
[00:50:27] Speaker B: Yeah, even.
[00:50:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:50:28] Speaker B: As always. And I look forward to continuing to share that journey with our listeners.
[00:50:32] Speaker A: Agreed. And please, if you haven't yet, please subscribe. It makes a difference. And I'm gonna do a special call to action to all the working moms out there, because I am going to continue to talk about this. It's my life right now. I'm in it, I'm working through it, trying to figure it out, just like you are. So if you're a, a working mom out there and you're equally as dedicated to your children and to your business. Please subscribe because we will continue to get into this.
[00:50:59] Speaker B: Yeah. And thank you again.
Welcome to Hrob talks for the superstars tonight.
[00:51:09] Speaker A: Tonight.
