Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: The second you start looking at other people as competitors or other companies, they turn into enemies. Then you're in an instant power struggle. And when you do that, you give power to other people, so you lose some of your own control.
[00:00:21] Speaker B: Welcome to Ace broadly touch for the superstars tonight.
[00:00:24] Speaker A: Tonight, today's topic, tough advice for my younger, dumber, poorer self.
Hi, my name is Britt Arnold, and I am president of Tagler Construction and supply.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: And I'm Mick Arnold, president of Arnold Packaging and Arnold Automation. And this is love and business.
[00:00:46] Speaker A: I think when we're looking at tough advice from my younger, dumb, or poorer self, the first thing we have to talk about and acknowledge is total accountability and ownership of the position you are in. So, for instance, when I got fired in 2016, there were, and I'm sure I did in the beginning, blame a lot of other people, blame the circumstances. Whatever it was, it was not until which I did pretty quickly. I'm actually proud of my 20 something year old self for assuming that I would say even the blame and the position I was in. And it wasn't until I realized that I was the only one that could control my fate. I had to stop blaming people. I had to stop looking for other people to help or save me, that things really changed for me. And I'm reading the book of courage to be disliked, which I really, really, really like. And it's.
The book has a philosopher, and then it's called a youth, and it's a conversation between youth and philosopher. And one thing they talk about a lot is etiology versus teleology. I wasn't familiar. Are you familiar?
[00:02:07] Speaker B: I'd probably come up late on those.
[00:02:08] Speaker A: So, etiology is the study of causation versus teleology, which is the study of purpose given. And when you are stuck in the etiology, philosophy or mindset, you simply cannot move forward because you're saying, I can't do this because of that. So, on the other side of the spectrum, teleology is saying it's a study of purpose given and you can move forward. It's saying cause and effect is not real. Probably piss some people off, but trauma is not necessarily real.
They're saying the emotions you ascribe to your experiences are the only things that are real. Even emotions aren't real.
We manufacture our emotions to achieve the goals that we want to achieve. So if you are in this position where you are saying, I can't do x because of y, you are in that causation, and you will let your past and your emotions determine your present and your future, and it's literally impossible to get ahead. And I really agree with that philosophy because I was there and I did it and I saw it. I have a couple of more points on this, but I do want to pass the ball just to see how you feel about that philosophy.
[00:03:23] Speaker B: I think it's interesting. I just have a quick question hearkening back, do you recall back to the moment when you got fired and you were going through those emotions would have had you on that causation side, the stuck side? Do you recall any of. I think there would be a reset moment of kind that would take place. Do you recall anything or was there any epiphany that got you out of that? And even I would even. I would even suggest that, you know, you might have even gone down that victimhood route for a second. You know, why me? Why was this done to me? I was doing it right. Based on everything you knew. We talked about your success as an athlete. Your job was to score and win, and by all means, you were scoring and winning, but somehow that wasn't what the metric was there, which was very foreign. So do you remember a moment where you reset, or is it just, you know, fumbled through it and ultimately got there? It's hard at that age when, you know, when you don't have the experience and you don't recognize the situation, and therefore it makes it harder to know which tool to reach for in your toolbox, unlike now, when you say like, oh, yeah, that's a hammer, you know, I gotta drive a nail. Do you recall anything like that? Or any moments? I mean, this is somewhat retrospective, which is hard. And some of these ideas, these etiology and these ideas or wrapping them together like this are a little bit new. So anything that you recall about that from a reset?
[00:04:48] Speaker A: So, yes, very much so. Which is actually the only reason I'm talking about this. Cause I don't wanna talk about things in retrospect that were, ideally this would. This is what happened in my experience, which is why I feel comfortable and confident suggesting that this is an important part of the process. So I think how I felt going back to emotion or what I ascribed to my experience was anger, probably more than anything.
And I think finally I was able to decide that I wanted to be successful or win in, however you define that word, in spite of and not because of. So I wasn't driven by proving other people right. Wrong, you know, and I think that was part, very important in the process.
But to your point, that epiphany moment was I was looking for other opportunities, like, to go back into the corporate world, and I was really looking at.
Actually, the only thing I was really interested in was brokerage, a commercial real estate brokerage. And part of that was because I wanted. I do like the philosophy, eat what you kill. And being able to work on that type of mentality, and I think that's in the brokerage world, that's a big part of it.
You have a lot of independence. You don't have as much of a cap or ceiling. I liked all of that.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: High level autonomy.
[00:06:20] Speaker A: High level of autonomy. Plus I had relationships in the field and some really great friends that were helping me. So anyway.
And I kept talking to different people and applying for jobs, yes, but more so, not most informally, like, gauging interest and opportunity. And I just got so sick of, like, waiting and waiting for responses, and people were busy, and I had, like, one day I literally looked at myself in the mirror. Not. I didn't literally, but figuratively looked at myself in the mirror. Like, I cannot take it. I cannot keep depending on other people. Like, it's just. It's going to drive me insane, and it's so slow, and every day I lose is so important right now, and I don't have a job, and I don't have money, and I have nothing, that I only can depend on myself, period. And that. I think I had that epiphany, and the next day I started my llc.
[00:07:16] Speaker B: Yep. Yeah. Listen, I completely agree. And back to that idea about, you know, understanding where you are and owning it, and in that moment, because I think, talk about a total shift. You know, someone moved your goalpost where you, you know, you came into the business world and loving to compete in the sport of business, which we talk about a lot. But with this, you know, you bringing this expectation set forth that was so successful in the athletic world, and you knew exactly what was valued there because it had been demonstrated for you and you had been rewarded for it. Right. Even praised your entire life for the ability to perform, produce, and ultimately do your part of the team getting a win. And that, you know, that expectation or that goal set was just different where you ended up. And I think I would imagine if, let's just say you took this brit, the one that knows what she knows now, and you went back through the interview process. Imagine what the Q and A would sound like if you went back to work for that company or any company. Right. You would be. It wouldn't work because there's a level of autonomy that I'm not sure is available in working for someone else. But imagine the difference, right? Just talking about the evolution and the experience you've gained. If you were to go back into that type of working world and join another organization, imagine what the Q and A would sound like. It would be wholly different. You'd be asking a lot of questions about autonomy and eat what you kill. And how is that valued? You'd be looking for feedback that suggested that what you're used to doing from a performance perspective is valued and aligned with the organization. And it would have a completely different set. Still don't know if it would work, but it would definitely have a different sound to it. But I think your point for your dumber self is yes. I mean, that self reflection and part of that reset had to be, hold on a minute.
Why isn't this valued anymore? I thought this would always be valued, producing and winning, and it's not. And where can I go to get that? And why isn't everybody moving at the breakneck pace that I want to move at? You know what? I need to just go do it on my own. Yeah.
[00:09:33] Speaker A: And accepting like this is this. I'm only the one accountable, like nobody else is control of that. And we've talked about this before, but I think important when I say that eat what you kill mentality, it's always like in my mind, if I eat and kill, it's with the team. I don't want to eat and kill. I don't want to myself. There's no joy in that. It's doing it for the team and everybody enjoying that.
[00:09:59] Speaker B: Yeah, sure. Well, I mean, if you're going to approach that like a pack animal, which we are. Right. You're not saying that you want to be outside of the pack. Yeah. For your team, you got to find the right pack. The hard part is finding the right pack.
[00:10:09] Speaker A: It's just such a negative connotation with that saying why I love players on my team that want to go hunt and kill and then bring it back to the team and we can all, like, celebrate. That's amazing.
[00:10:20] Speaker B: I think that's the part that's probably missing. Right. I want to eat what I kill along with my pack. Right. That's the part where it probably comes up a little shorter, has this very selfish feel to it. I think that comes off as very selfish, but it's not at all. That's not how you intend it. I intend it. I mean, when you kill at Tigler, of course, everybody. When I kill at Arnold's, of course everybody in the organization is benefiting from it as the rest of this.
[00:10:45] Speaker A: Are we killing for them? To a point.
[00:10:48] Speaker B: It depends on what your role is, right? I mean, we have a lot of great conversations about operations as it relates.
We look at net customers. So if you add six and lose seven, that's actually a net negative one. And there's a good chance that operations had a pretty good hand in the loss. Just say they didn't deliver. Quality wasn't whatever things they have of control. So to suggest that they don't have some input into that. So, man, you know, we could kill it and they could drop it out of the back of the wagon if we're not careful and nobody gets to eat, that'd be terrible, right?
[00:11:25] Speaker A: So just to further expand on this point a bit, so we talked about etiology versus teleology and accountability, and not letting causation and past define or control you. And then I think you have to look at once you do take accountability and you have established these goals, you have to change your lifestyle to align with these goals. And lifestyle is really the way of giving meaning to the world, and you have to change how you interact and your behaviors to align with that. And it's hard. It takes the word we were talking about today, courage to change, and, and.
[00:12:04] Speaker B: The other word, sacrifice.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: Yes. But like, this idea of changing, I think we often misunderstand how hard and seriously how much courage and dedication it takes to change, because you are changing. And a lot of times in what we're talking about in this scope, it's entrepreneurship, which everything is unknown, nothing is uncertain. You're leaving something that is known, is secure, to do something that you have no idea what's in store. And that is, like, very scary. And I can tell you, if you're not changing, well. So the good news is, I believe because of that, we all have the power to change. I 100% believe that that is in our control.
But when we do change, some of those behaviors are very tough, and to align them exactly with our goals is very challenging. So in my situation, when I was fired, I had to change a lot of behaviors to get where I wanted to go. And that included not spending any money. It included turning off the utilities and the cable and not buying furniture for the house I had just bought when I was on a salary.
I didn't go out these things. And that was hard. That was three years of seriously doing nothing but working. That's it. And that was like, really, really, really hard. But until you can align your behaviors with your goals, it's impossible, but that's really hard and it takes a lot of courage. One thing I will add to that is, was that situational? Was I only able to do that or did I only do that fast? As fast as I did because my feet were to the fire. I had no safety net like that. Almost fear driven.
I don't know. I'm not sure. But I do know that's a very, use the word emulate, almost impossible situation to emulate. You almost have to be in it.
[00:14:14] Speaker B: Right? And I don't know that you ever. I think the challenging part of that right up there with being hard to make those changes is to identify the changes requires a very hard self assessment. A very hard and a very honest self assessment. And I think there's two challenges to getting to that. One is not being able to see your faults. That's one. Right. If you just simply aren't able to acknowledge that you got it wrong, that you effing blew it back to that accountability, that's hard. Yeah, that's hard. If you don't have the ability to acknowledge that or you would ever take on something that have a victim feel like it was done to you, therefore you had no other recourse but to fail because it was done to you. I think that assessment is really hard because until you can complete that assessment accurately, it's hard to even make a game plan. Right? I mean, if you don't know where your shortcomings are, then it's really hard to then pivot and create a plan to get going in the direction that would be more appropriate for where you want it to be.
[00:15:25] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:15:26] Speaker B: And that's the hard part. That is, especially at that age too. I mean, you're fighting with. So, you know, back to your. This is words for our younger, dumber self. And dumber really also is akin to ignorance. Simply not knowing what you don't know. It's hard when you simply don't have the tools to be able to complete that self assessment. I think that's where something I would tell my younger, dumber self would be, to really rely on the people that know you best, right. Had a trust level where you could ask them some hard questions and you would trust their answers and you would take it on a way where you wouldn't get your feelings hurt or you wouldn't take that on, you would say, wow, that's interesting feedback. Never saw it, never heard it, and sure as hell would never have told myself that. Now that's really valuable. So just another piece of that is man, you might not be able to perform that assessment at 30 years old or 25 or however old you are listening to this and you might have to have somebody that's a really trusted advisor could be an aunt, could be an uncle, they could be biased to you, they might tell you how amazing you still are but somebody that would give you some really hard honest feedback that could get you headed in the right direction with that assessment.
[00:16:42] Speaker A: I agree and I'm going to segue into a second point which I already know is the point you're going to move into and I'm going to start it with the next part I have. Part one, accountability. Part two is thinking about your tomorrow instead of really living for today. When you're going through these hard times it changes, it evolves. But if you're broke or you're feeling in a position where you don't love being in or you're going through some really hard times you cannot live for today, you cannot take the shortcuts, you cannot just look for immediate reward or gratification. You have got to be thinking about the tomorrow and that takes a lot, a lot a lot of hard work. You have to take immediate messy action even though you won't feel ready. Yep, a lot of it is not sexy. A lot of it is, as we talked about the mundanity of excellence. It's mundane simple tasks that you have to do day in, day out and I'll expand more on that. But going back to your point of looking at it saying this is not a sprint and when I do sprint I take a lot of shortcuts and I miss a lot of things like I have to be looking at this from what does my tomorrow look like? My month, my year, that long term piece or again I'm not sure anything is achievable otherwise.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: Yeah, I think when, you know in the moment and back to I keep my hand on this word young just a few more times only because you know just by virtue of only being on the planet a short period of time everything just has a different compression to it and a different feel to it and I know for example when I talk to the girls about certain things you know when you're 16 1718 for you know you've been on the planet such a short period of time that everything has this rush type feel to it and I'm gonna, you know we're not talking about procrastinating we're not talking about laziness or lack of urgency or lack of urgency or lack of action. So please don't mistake this sprint versus marathon mentality in just sit back and see what happens. It's not that at all the opposite. Yeah, but it's more about the intentionality and letting some things breathe and or marinate for a second. Now, in the situation where you were in, where you just lost your income with no other options for income, there are. The word violent came to mind as you were talking about that. And I thought, yeah, there might be some early things like turning off your electricity or where you used to go out and have a very social job or life working for somebody else, completely gone away and things that you like to do. You're a social animal. That's a pretty violent shift when you go from being around people and yucking it up and laughing and have a hell of a good time and a great quality of life, if that's what you like to do, to not doing it at all. So you might have to make some violent choices in the short term. Right. You take your spending from, you know, this to zero or whatever, a little bit above zero, whatever that survival piece would look like. Not being. Not freezing to death in your new place, but something that would be uncomfortable.
[00:20:03] Speaker A: I was.
[00:20:04] Speaker B: And have you out of bed pretty early. Yeah, that chill will get you out of bed.
So that part. And you might have to make some violent changes, but, you know, you've got to be able to chart that course and spread it out and not, I think the real key here in trying to develop. Cause I know when we talk about this part of what we're doing too, is helping to develop tools. When you see these, when you do get older and a little more experienced, one thing that absolutely changes is the familiarity of certain situations. And I think in those moments, younger MC Arnold would have tried to compress or maybe force or maybe jam or something along those lines. Lines versus now where you take a little more measured approach to it and you might let it marinate a little bit longer. And what that is doing, or the tool that you're reaching for is to make sure that you don't lose clarity because that speed can create cloudiness. And that could have you making inadvertently a bad decision and something that at least might require you to come back from. It might not be fatal or lethal, but it certainly could have you wasting valuable time backtracking because you went a little too little too far too fast, because you felt the need for action for the sake of action, when in that moment, not procrastinating, no action would have been the appropriate choice, which sounds weird, but no action is the appropriate choice at times.
[00:21:39] Speaker A: Yeah. And part of my point here is that hard work, hard work always wins, but it has to be that smart, hard work. So a part of this is there are some things that you do need to address and do immediately where other things are more long term. They're more, that they're not gonna make an immediate impact on starting a new business. And I got lost in that prioritization process, for sure. But one thing I did do a good job is not. And getting lost in the trivial things like spending money on websites and business cards and apparels that did apparel that didn't matter. I did just enough to look professional. But that was it. It was like the bare minimum. My focus was very much so on acquiring that first piece of business and that first customer, and that's all that mattered. And you have to put that hard work where it matters the most. And identifying that is very, very hard.
[00:22:44] Speaker B: Yeah, I think one, one. So it's afraid it just shot into my mind as you were talking about that is what you did was you bypassed the vanity, whatever the vein or the vanity parts of the glitz and the glamour of starting your own biz. Right. Yeah, the glamour. I mean, we always talk about glamour, publishing and certain things, but you absolutely bypass the vanity.
Not to a fault, but right on the edge, you know? I mean, at some point, you do have to be careful about the credibility piece and what you're putting out there, but, man, you ran right up against the edge of it in favor of cost savings and being intentional and scrutinizing where your very limited finances were going. We talk about bootstrapping. You know, when you're doing that, you've got to be accountable for every penny, and it's got to return on investment because you have no ability to waste.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: No. And that goes back to the idea of being resourceful. And our favorite word is scrappy, which. Being scrappy, our definition, I'm not sure what the dictionary definition is, is doing as much, optimizing, doing as much as you possibly can with the. The resources you have, which are often limited. So just being incredibly scrappy.
[00:23:51] Speaker B: And the opposite of wasteful.
[00:23:54] Speaker A: The opposite of wasteful or complacent.
[00:23:57] Speaker B: Yes, because wasteful being from a resource or a tangible perspective. Complacent being from a mental or how you show up perspective.
[00:24:05] Speaker A: Right. And what's fascinating is, I don't even think, I mean, I always worked hard. I hope, you know, playing elite sports, you have to work hard. But I didn't absolutely understand hard work until I was put in that position. And it's amazing. You think hard work's one thing, and then you're put in this position, you're like, oh, shit, no, this is hard work. 18 to 20 hours a day, every day is hard work. No weekends, no balance of any kind. Yeah.
[00:24:36] Speaker B: Not starting is one thing. Bankruptcy, something that's completely different. Right. On the scale. But not starting had that type of gravity when you were 18, right?
[00:24:48] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:24:49] Speaker B: You just didn't know what you didn't know.
[00:24:50] Speaker A: Right. And I know a lot of people think they can. Think we can create side hustles and side businesses, but in my opinion, I think you've got to go all in to get where you want to go, at least with any type of speed. I just. That's what I believe. I believe you have to go all in. And here's something that I think, you've got to stay true to yourself. Cause I don't want it to come off, like, oh, poor me. Cause I will even say, even during those most turbulent, challenging years where I was scared, I didn't know what the hell I was doing, I did really enjoy it.
[00:25:28] Speaker B: Yeah, of course.
[00:25:29] Speaker A: I really, really did. And the idea of people saying, well, take a break. You know, you need a little balance. Like, you don't have to work every weekend.
Why?
That's your narrative. That's not mine. I actually really enjoy those years. When I look back at them, I don't look back at them as horrible. I look at them as so instrumental, such great learning periods and times of joy, because a little win, like $1,000 win, was the best thing in the entire world. And I really think that a part of me enjoyed that process.
And for anyone out there, if you like to work, what is the idea of a weekend? You don't have to subscribe to other people's opinions. Do what you like to do, and if that is working, then freaking do it.
We do not have to live inside other people's boxes or narratives.
That's extremely hard to do when you're younger, for sure. But I think something that in this identification piece of, when you're figuring out who you are, what your value prop is, what you're going to offer the world, which is all very, very important when you're creating a business or doing anything, for that matter, you have to figure out who you are and lean into that. What is your differentiator? And for me, there were certain things that I could have looked at as a disadvantage. And a lot of us can, you know, where we came from or our background, anything else. But if you can change your mindset and say, well, that's what makes me unique, that's what I'm gonna lean into, that's what I'm gonna offer the world, then all of a sudden that viewpoint is an advantage and not a disadvantage.
[00:27:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I think just a quickie for the audience. You know, when you're talking about those times of your life, or when we're talking about the challenges of the work in building a business or being an entrepreneur, it's not a bitch fest or a victim fest. What we're doing is just being very honest so that a listener doesn't kid themselves or think that you mail this thing in and you wake up on the other side with a building with your name on it, it doesn't work like that. So it's really just being honest. When you use words like sacrifice or what you can expect and when you're taking it on, and I agree with you, you'd love to get out of side hustle and go head down into your chosen pursuits. Depending on where you are, you might not have the ability to do that. You have kids, you have financial requirements that would keep you from going headlong into it. And that's when I think the word sacrifice could get bigger and it could be different. You would turned off utilities, the sacrifice there a lot of times. And that's what I went through in trying to build the business. It was time away from the girls. It was where things just had to get done. And we were a much smaller organization, and there wasn't anyone else to do it. If it was going to get done, I was going to do it, and it was going to take a certain amount of time. And that time had to come from somewhere, and it generally came away from the girls. You know, that's the sacrifice that I made in that moment. And somebody else could pursuing their or trying to convert their side hustle into a full time job.
[00:28:57] Speaker A: And this goes back to part of, part of my thought process about not living for today. Sometimes it is tomorrow. And you knew what, even though the girls might not have understood it, and I think they're still working through that understanding, I think they're starting to grasp it. But you knew what you wanted for them and for your family, and that's what you were ultimately working for. Like, yeah, there is going to be a sacrifice of time right now, and it's going to be spent at work. When I could be at home for dinner.
I know that I want my girls to get the best education. I know that I want them to live in a very comfortable home. I want this and these things for them, and that's what I'm gonna work for. And I think that's to. My other point is not necessarily or not at all changing for what other people want for you or say you should want, even when it includes your family sometimes.
[00:29:53] Speaker B: Yeah. And like you said, too, I loved it. I don't wanna make any bones about that. It wasn't listening. This may sound like a total a hole, but, I mean, I wasn't crying at my desk while I was putting in the work. I wasn't. I loved it. There was an instant, you know, there are moments of it, too. That is beautifully instant gratification, too, where one of the things I struggled with in school, for example, I was a terrible student. I really was. I mean, I think by measurement standards. Then when I got out, I mean, I was pretty damn dumb by measurement standards, but I struggled with a semester that was too long. Like, I couldn't. I couldn't do things leading up to. And I've changed that a little bit in the sales process. But there's an instant gratification process, especially when you take on a business like ours, albeit old. It had a lot of years. It still had a very turnaround look to it. Despite being 60 years old when I took over or something like that. There was a very turnaround, a very turnaround feel to it. And in those moments where you are making violent changes and you get it right, there's instant gratification that feeds that and is fun and it keeps you going. I mean, you have to have those little tiny wins, and you might have been escaping the jaws of extinction. You don't. I didn't know. Cause I was too dumb to know. But I was, you know, in retrospect, I look back and I was like, oh, boy, I had put it on the block and the cleaver just missed it twice. I didn't know.
[00:31:20] Speaker A: Ignorant.
[00:31:20] Speaker B: Yeah. I didn't. Yeah, but, yes, I didn't even know. But now I was like, damn, we should have gotten wiped there. We probably should be extinct with that choice I made. But I didn't know. I was just. I was having a good time making those choices. And fortunately, too, the other part is that positivity. And the fun I was having was just infectious enough to sucker other people to jump onto that sinking ship with me, and we were all able to paddle to keep it afloat.
[00:31:49] Speaker A: And I really think, and I just have continued driving forward. It's, you know, it's small, simple steps. It is becoming who you want to be, where you want to be, and not, not comparing yourself. And this is something I would have told my younger, dumber self for sure. I think I'm just starting to get here and I don't even think I'm here. Had I had learned how to do that a lot quicker, it would have served me really well.
And it says viewing, not viewing competition against other people, like who are my competitors. And again in the book, the courage to be disliked. I really like how the author positioned it, where the second you start looking at other people as competitors or other companies, they turn into enemies. And then when you have that approach or thought process, then you're in an instant power struggle. And when you do that, you give power to other people, so you lose some of your own control, like you're no longer in control. And then the next step after power struggle is revenge, followed by retaliation. And that is a cycle you never get out of. And what that does is it distracts from what your main goal is. It distracts from your main focus, which should be your customers and your partners. And all of a sudden you're looking at competitors. So our enemies even. And I think this approach of looking at others like comrades, no matter who they are, is the quickest way to get improve your self improvement. And that's really, really hard to do. And I know that sounds like, oh, that's ideologically sounds great, but I think there is a way to do it, I really do. And part of that is not looking at what others are doing, not copying, and not falling into like that distraction piece. It's like being inspired by those people, maybe being motivated by them, but then also leaning into what's your value prop, what are you really good at? And in saying, how can Mick get creative, you don't need to copy. You can certainly get inspired and you can collaborate with these people, but they are not your enemy. You do not have to copy and you do not have to get distracted or overwhelmed by this over here, because that's not you, right?
[00:34:26] Speaker B: And you would take, I mean, you would take that drive and you'd mix it with some curiosity and you'd go out, innovate. You would take that energy and you'd go out, innovate. You would never spend time, because by the time you're looking over there, it's too late. You know, that's.
[00:34:40] Speaker A: It's way too late.
[00:34:41] Speaker B: What an incredible waste of energy. It's way too late. I mean, you might be aware of, you might use that energy, you might take that energy, and it could even be a little fear, like, oh, boy, if we don't, if we don't get our act together, we could be fighting extinction. But you take that energy, and here I can tell you that I would only ever put it, and I'd mix a little curiosity in, and I would drive it towards innovation and. And be working on the next best thing and never, never be in that. And I think that whole idea. Quick story.
I was very fortunate when the girls were younger, obviously, we live in a very lacrosse centric area, and I was fortunate enough to be able to coach their lacrosse all the way through. Now, mind you, I never played girls lacrosse. You know that, right. So. But I was very fortunate.
[00:35:27] Speaker A: Or lacrosse at all.
[00:35:28] Speaker B: Or lacrosse at all. No, I was far too slow. And golf was a spring sport like lacrosse. So, I mean, I had buddies that did played on national championship teams, and I could, you know, play around, mess around with them. But when they went to the field, I went to the course. But I was very fortunate to be able to get connected with a bunch of young ladies that played for Maryland and Maryland in the midst of winning national championship after national championship. And we were driving to, and there was two Becky clip and Jenny Collins, and we were driving to a tournament in New Jersey. And I was always very fascinated by the culture of Marilyn lacrosse. It had won 14 or 15 national championships, and they were all Americans and us national. And Jenny was a two time thwarton finalist, best player in the league. And one day we were riding up to a tournament, I said, so who would you consider your rivals? And Xi, without blinking an eye. And nothing arrogant at all. As matter of fact as one could say it, we don't have any rivals. And it was just that mindset around that type of excellence at Maryland where you would never even take a second of energy to consider UNC or UVA or Syracuse or some elite programs. That was just the mindset and the exact same thing. We're talking about borrowing from sports, like we do a lot.
[00:36:48] Speaker A: And I don't know what her mindset is, but I also, I do think there's a difference between saying we're so good that nobody else matters versus if we're doing our own thing, if we.
[00:36:59] Speaker B: Do our job right, if we do it the way we do it, then in a nice way, nobody else matters.
[00:37:05] Speaker A: Right, right, right.
[00:37:07] Speaker B: And I think, didn't UConn say that last night.
[00:37:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:10] Speaker B: In so many words. I think Danny Hurley said that.
[00:37:13] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out, Uconn. We're repping it.
[00:37:16] Speaker B: Yep, yep. First repeat champions in 20 years. Is that right? Something like that.
[00:37:20] Speaker A: Something like that. Very proud to be a husky alum today, for sure.
[00:37:25] Speaker B: And both sides. And a wonderful performance by the women too.
[00:37:28] Speaker A: Arguably even better with all the injuries, for sure.
[00:37:31] Speaker B: Definitely gotta give a shout out there.
[00:37:33] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely.
So, yeah. And the second you realize, like when you look at people as enemies or competitors, like you're already creating conflict in relationships and your interpersonal relationships are the most important thing you have. And this book, it says interpersonal relationships are also the cause of 100% of your problems. And I was thinking about that, I'm like, is that true? But for instance, a lot of people don't start a business cause they're scared of failure. If you failed in a silo, in a vacuum by yourself, would you care?
I think people care because of what other people around them are going to think. And that's a lot of goes back to your real issue is interpersonal relationships, which jumping ahead to relationships as part of this conversation. I mean, I think we've got to touch on relationships as a big aspect or topic that we would talk about if you're talking to your younger, dumber selves because I definitely did not nurture and nourish and reach out as much as I should have when I was younger in all aspects of my life. And that has changed dramatically now. I mean, to the contrary, now, but that piece of it is undeniable. Yeah.
[00:39:06] Speaker B: And I think I would even take that one step further. So, yes, recognizing and valuing the relationships, but I also even taking that one step further in taking the time and putting forth the effort to understand who people are, you know, their breed, if you will. And there's a, you know, there's a great story that goes back about a dog that we had and we were having trouble with that dog and we brought someone in, a specialist. And the simple story was, you know, this dog is part lab and part Springer and he's a work dog and you're not giving him jobs and just continue on. And my taste, and she finally said, when you understand the breed, you can train the dog. And I move that over into the human world, not trying to train people, but just changing out train to communicate with. And my younger, dumber self I would have told to be so much more intentional about understanding who the person was and trying to understand how I could create a bridge between us to have a meaningful communication, even though our breeds could be totally different. Right? You might be. I might be a work dog, and you might be a greyhound or a speed dog. I think greyhounds might be work dogs, too. But we could still find this common ground because I took the time to understand who you were, and maybe it was based on understanding some of your background or some of your influences or some of your successes or failures. I would have a q and a that would have me listening exponentially more than I was talking. And I would put the time in to understand the other person and their breed so that we could find common ground and get further together faster. So, yes, valuing the relationships and leaning on them more heavily, without question, but one step further. I know I missed a lot of great relationships because I was too busy talking and not busy enough listening and.
[00:41:08] Speaker A: Aligning yourself and your life with people that you admire or you like where they are. I mean, I don't want to say. I mean, what's the point of taking advice from people that you don't want to live their life, you don't admire their life or what they've done or what they stand for. Like, it's getting that alignment is right and seeking that out and working at that. And the younger you can do that. What a difference. And I will say, I think above and beyond everything else, it's looking at your partner, your spouse, you know, that changes everything. And we are in a really fortunate position where our alignment is just so amazing. But from what we've been able to do in the last six years of being together in our relationship, I think we could both confidently say, I mean, the things we've achieved are beyond what we could have imagined because we're so much more effective or powerful together and we are so aligned. And so spending the time and pushing yourself to find that alignment, especially with your spouse, the person you spend the most time with, I think could hands down be the most impactful thing on a person's life.
[00:42:31] Speaker B: Sure. Yeah. I mean, if that mantra, you know, you and I use a lot of one plus one equals five, where, yeah, there would never be anything that felt an anchor or deterrent or whatever those really bad words would be that would keep you from getting where you wanted to go, and then you would just continue to build out on that and you would surround yourself with people. I think one of the things that's challenging and as a younger person is acknowledging and striving to get into that room because it's not easy. You know, it's hard. And it's hard. And from an ego perspective, it'll bang your ego up pretty bad. I mean, you want to talk about having to eat some crow and go be the dumbest person in the room. Cause that's what it takes, right, to get into those rooms. And you gotta love it, but you're gonna have to ask for some help, and then you're gonna have to listen a lot and ask a lot of questions. And we're big fans of, we know how smart you are by the questions that you ask, not by the answers that you give. But you have to have a willingness to want to be there and want to pursue those attractive relationships where, you know, one plus one equals five, but really on your behalf, right. If you can get someone to invest in you like that at those ages, and I had a lot of it, I was really fortunate people wanted to invest, and I was okay with asking those questions and being the dumbest one in the room, at least, the least experience, whether it's intelligence or experience, I was okay with that. Like, I mean, the, I think the self deprecating side of me was okay with it, where I was okay to laugh at myself. Real like, yep, you know, dumbest guy in the room. I'm gonna hang out til I get it all. Don't worry about it. I'll keep dragging behind you if I have to. That can be a challenge too, to get into as a younger person. You know, once you, after you do it for a little while, it's easier. But boy, I wish I had known to invest more time. Now I was in a position where I was, I had to run the business, so I did have professionals around me and I was paying them, right. So I did get a lot of counsel from Bob Kern of Whiteford Taylor and Todd Fuhrman of Ellen and Tucker. But I don't know if I would have been smart enough to go find and seek out people like that if we weren't associated through work. And I should have.
[00:44:52] Speaker A: Well, in the beginning, for instance, for me, I didn't have the money or the resources to pay anybody. So, like, in those situations, which many people will be in, you have to put in the work to find the people and knock down doors and be persistent, and a lot of people will be very receptive. I think also an important key is find people that are a couple steps ahead of you, not 20 steps ahead of you. You don't have to be in the room with the billionaire. You might want to be a billionaire one day, but get in the room with the person that's started a business and is five years in and is somewhat successful right now. We're very successful. That's the person you want to be.
[00:45:25] Speaker B: Learning from and has a vivid memory of it, too.
[00:45:27] Speaker A: Well, that's what I'm saying. They're not so far removed that they're telling you everything in retrospect where they didn't even do half that shit. They just. That's their memory of it right now.
[00:45:36] Speaker B: Right?
[00:45:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:36] Speaker B: And you're only getting the Rosie stuff.
[00:45:38] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:45:38] Speaker B: You don't get that here.
[00:45:40] Speaker A: So just on our last comment of relationships, you've got several different kinds. You've got friendships, you've got your love, your romantic interests, which I think is the most important. The book I'm reading, they define it as that good relationship is whenever I can be with this person and behave totally freely. And until you're able to do that, it's almost impossible to actually feel love. Cause if you're not free and you're not totally able to be yourself, it's very hard to be receptive or give love. But the difference is romantic relationships, work, partnerships, friendships.
They're attached by what they call in the book a red string, where if you're looking at a relationship you have with a parent, it's with rigid chains, and you can't just snip it and move on.
[00:46:33] Speaker B: Right.
[00:46:34] Speaker A: But the important part is that all interpersonal relationships must be confronted. It doesn't have to be one you love. It doesn't even have to be one you stay in when you're 18, you can get going, but you can't avoid them. Like, you've got to confront all interpersonal relationships and relationships in general and nurture and nourish them. And that is something that I'm still definitely working on. It's something I wish I did a lot more of ten years ago. But the older I get and hopefully the wiser I get, but I'm not sure that's totally true. The more this becomes. Just so true.
[00:47:09] Speaker B: Sure. Well, I think you learn a little bit. You learn you have a much clearer recognition of what you value. And I think that's where that pursuit of those relationships becomes more worthwhile. The return on investment is much more noticeable and acknowledgeable. And I think the ignorance just of some of that youth is you just don't know yet.
You don't know to acknowledge the importance of it. And then you sit here, like me at my age, going, shit, I wish I had known that. I wish I would have recognized or had the recognition to value that when I was younger. Cause I definitely missed some.
[00:47:48] Speaker A: Well, perhaps. I think hopefully we're helping people expedite that, but perhaps you can't. It might not be till you get a little bit older and all of a sudden you value time more because you learn how finite time is that. Then you're like, oh, I don't have time for any bullshit or any relationships that don't really matter. So maybe some of this, I think we can help.
That's what this is for, to help. But some of it might be just like, until you get a little older and learn and experience it, until you.
[00:48:16] Speaker B: Have less time, you won't value it as much.
[00:48:18] Speaker A: Maybe. I mean, that sounds. I don't love how that sounds, but it might be part of the process.
[00:48:23] Speaker B: Yeah, true. All right. I like it. I think if I was able to plug my younger, dumber self into this room, I can't say that I would do anything with it, but I certainly would enjoy listening. Yes, I think that's the whole point. Right.
[00:48:35] Speaker A: Well, I hope somebody does something with some of it.
[00:48:38] Speaker B: Please. Yes, Tommy, please.
[00:48:40] Speaker A: And for. And for me, Tommy just promised us.
[00:48:42] Speaker B: He'D do something with it, but for.
[00:48:46] Speaker A: But for me, too. And I will end with saying this. I mean, one of the reasons I love this podcast is because when I go through stuff like this, it also keeps me accountable. Like saying, these are what. This is what I've learned. This is what I didn't do. This is what I know for sure at this point works and is important. And when I'm not doing it, I can be like, you cannot get on camera and talk about how important it is and not freaking do it.
[00:49:13] Speaker B: Well, I was gonna say, or, like.
[00:49:13] Speaker A: Course correct, at least.
[00:49:14] Speaker B: Well, you sit here and immortalize it on these cameras, so you sure as hell can't let them down now.
[00:49:18] Speaker A: Yeah. So I love that piece of it. For me, it's like accountability and just reminds me I'm talking about it. So that's how important it is to me. Like, follow it. Follow, like, heed your own advice and.
[00:49:30] Speaker B: Congratulations on making your 90 day abstinence from caffeine. Well done.
I think that's a great shout out.
[00:49:40] Speaker A: That's why I left it right here.
[00:49:41] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Letting the world know you're back on the juice.
[00:49:45] Speaker A: Yeah. But it did absolutely nothing. And I will have you. The only important part of this is it did nothing for me. And that was. And then when I reintroduced caffeine, I felt nothing.
[00:49:56] Speaker B: Oh, hell.
[00:49:57] Speaker A: All right, so so much for being caffeine, being the most powerful drug on the planet. Not for all of us.
[00:50:02] Speaker B: Nope. Well, your younger, dumber self now knows that you can have caffeine all the way through. Cheers. Cheers to caffeine.
[00:50:11] Speaker A: As always, thank you so much for listening. So you heard about my story of going from fired to running a multimillion dollar business. Next, you can expect mixed story when the patriarch of a company dies.
[00:50:24] Speaker B: And if you like what we're doing, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe. And also turn on the push notifications because we're going to push you a notification. Thank you for watching loving business, and we will see you soon.
Welcome to Ace Rodney. Rodney talks for the Superstars tonight. Tonight, you.
