2-Year Anniversary! Our DIRTY MARRIAGE SECRETS | S1E19

[00:00:10] Speaker A: Happy anniversary. [00:00:11] Speaker B: Happy anniversary to you as well. My goodness. You tolerated two full years of marriage to me. [00:00:17] Speaker A: Two. Two full years of marriage to the day yesterday, the 16th and then. But we've been together for six and a half years. [00:00:24] Speaker B: I know. [00:00:24] Speaker A: It isn't that crazy. [00:00:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:28] Speaker A: No, right. [00:00:28] Speaker B: It'll be seven years in March. [00:00:30] Speaker A: No, wait, five and a half years. 18th. It was the 18th, 2018. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Right. Okay. Got it. [00:00:39] Speaker A: Getting ahead of myself. [00:00:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:41] Speaker A: But still, we've been together for a while. [00:00:43] Speaker B: True. [00:00:43] Speaker A: Very true. Yeah. So I just figured we could have fun with it and do a little anniversary edition. [00:00:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:52] Speaker A: Maybe we could talk about what we had to go through, why it took so long to ultimately get married, and then just some of the things that we've learned over the last two years. [00:01:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:04] Speaker A: I thought that, by the way, you are in a different situation having been in a prior marriage. I was about to say, I am certainly no marriage expert. I've been married for two whole years. [00:01:15] Speaker B: That. But you have parents that have been together since they were twelve years old. They just celebrated their 47th anniversary. [00:01:25] Speaker A: I got that wrong. But we did celebrate with them. Yes. They've been together since they've been twelve years old. [00:01:29] Speaker B: So despite you only having been married once for two years now, I think you've had some incredible demonstration that you could speak to or have something to say that's valuable. [00:01:38] Speaker A: Absolutely. The best demonstration. Yeah. So again, we usually talk about something business. So on the cusp of our anniversary, I figured let's get into a little relationship, a little relationship episode and just talk about what we know and what we don't know. [00:02:02] Speaker B: Okay, that sounds good. [00:02:03] Speaker A: Okay. So wedding two years ago. In two years ago today we would be there right now. We were in Nashville, which happens to be our favorite city next. [00:02:18] Speaker B: Second favorite city next to Baltimore. It's important that you say that. You say favorite city a lot. Baltimore is our favorite city, period. [00:02:25] Speaker A: They're competing for me. [00:02:26] Speaker B: I don't know, maybe I'll give you one and one a. But Baltimore is the coolest city. [00:02:31] Speaker A: They're competing for me. Okay. [00:02:34] Speaker B: Where would one park their boat? If they were visiting Nashville, for example, where would they park their boat? Where would one, let's say dock, actually. [00:02:41] Speaker A: Where would one go? See live music 24 hours in Baltimore? [00:02:47] Speaker B: A little more difficult. I'll still take the boat. [00:02:50] Speaker A: Okay, we're not going to debate this. Both great cities. [00:02:53] Speaker B: True. [00:02:54] Speaker A: Okay. So we were like many other people trying to get married in the height of COVID So we were going to have a big blowout wedding in Baltimore. Inviting as many people as we could. And how many times did we end up trying to do that? Three different times, same venue. It just got pushed back. So we tried to get married for two whole years. [00:03:18] Speaker B: Well, the venue was horrible. I mean, there was nothing to do. The venues stopped replying, and nobody knew. Our asshole mayor wouldn't do anything with consistency. If you recall, we had rules in Baltimore City, and this is something I'm going all over the place today. I can. It's mercery. [00:03:37] Speaker A: Animal mercery. [00:03:39] Speaker B: One of the most frustrating things. Or when I'll talk to people around the country, we'll say Baltimore City. And finally someone will say, why do you keep saying Baltimore City? Because they're from Dallas or another and say, we don't say Dallas City. And we have to remind them that because someone, whoever created this dumbass construct, decided that there would be a city and a county, fast forward into the middle of a pandemic. And despite being sharing a border, the rules were completely different on this side of the line versus that side of the line. So one of the hardest things was in trying to get married in a city run by a knucklehead. We could never do anything with consistency. As soon as we thought we were up, we were down. As soon as we were down, we were up. And nobody knew, especially venues, what to do. And one of the biggest challenges was food. They weren't about to load up on a bunch of food just to have our mayor shut the place back down again and throw it all away or someone be on the hook for it. So I recall in the moment, that was one of the really big challenges. And we thought, you know what, let's go where they don't have pandemics. And you'd think Mars and no, it's actually just south. [00:04:42] Speaker A: And actually such a shame because we wanted to spend a lot of money in our city and it was going to be outside, so we could have done it. We would have had hundreds of people because we've got a crazy crew that would have eventually gone out into Baltimore City after being at the venue and spent a shit ton of money. So anyway, we have talked about having a party at some point in Baltimore to make up for that. So we ended up going to Nashville. And the unfortunate part, there's an unfortunate and very great part about it, two sides. The unfortunate part was we couldn't bring all of our friends because picking up and going to another city and we wanted to cover the other than we wanted to take care of everybody. So that just wasn't feasible to bring hundreds of people to Nashville. We just couldn't do it. But instead we got to do 30 to 40 of closest friends. Our very closest, closest friends. [00:05:46] Speaker B: Two friends, actually. [00:05:48] Speaker A: Yeah. And family. Right. [00:05:49] Speaker B: You had a friend. I had a friend, which is about all I have. And you. You were there. So I had my two friends and Tommy. Tommy, our producer. [00:05:57] Speaker A: Tommy, of course, Toby, who married us. [00:06:00] Speaker B: And Nicole, our mutual friend who introduced us. [00:06:02] Speaker A: Yes. So Toby, who introduced us, he mutual friend, like Mick said, which was amazing that he got to marry us. But all in all, 30 of our. To 40 of our. The closest people in our life. And we spent three nights in Nashville. We stayed at the Virgin Hotel, which I still think the coolest thing about it is the theme was red and black there. And as anybody that knows you and I, everything's red and black, our logos. And then my wedding dress was red. So the pictures there. [00:06:33] Speaker B: My weding dress was black. [00:06:35] Speaker A: Your wedding dress was black. The pictures that Tommy took were amazing with black and white. [00:06:39] Speaker B: Sort of. [00:06:40] Speaker A: The only down was so windy that I was shaking my ass off because it was outside. But then we had that amazing acoustical, the band play. That was fantastic. Then we went to the 1230 club and we had our wedding dinner there. Now, this 1230 club, if you know Nashville, it's a supper club, but it's one of the only spots in Nashville you can go to where you can actually sit down, have a very great, like a great meal, and then hear live music. You're not packed in and it's beautiful architecture inside. [00:07:17] Speaker B: So today is going to be about. I'm just know back to the love and business. We're going to share some of our business experiences in a city called Nashville, which is pretty cool because there's a lot of great, best demonstrated performance there. So I was just thinking, huh? We're talking about a lot of the businesses that we interacted with and they run great shops and we have all the respect for. [00:07:36] Speaker A: And so Justin Timberlake is one of the investors in that. And sub guy Jimmy John. Jimmy John. [00:07:45] Speaker B: Jimmy John's and then a great restauranteur from Arizona named Sam Fox. [00:07:48] Speaker A: But the greatest part of this whole story is, and we've since become members at the club because we go enough where it makes sense if you want to bring customers or whatever. But when we were deciding where we were going to have our wedding dinner, the 1230 club was not even built yet. We were looking at renderings. There was no menu, but we were looking at the people that were involved in the business. We saw the renderings. They promised us we'd get it done. So we had the first event ever there without knowing at all what it was going to look like, anything about it. And it ended up being maybe the best night of my life. [00:08:27] Speaker B: What do you mean, maybe? [00:08:28] Speaker A: Jesus, we've had some great times, but. Yeah, I mean. [00:08:31] Speaker B: But I would say, let's throw our wedding right up there towards the top. Or the top, even. [00:08:35] Speaker A: That night might have been the best night, truly. But, I mean, they've had some great times. Okay. And the very cool thing. So there's an outdoor space, and it opens up, and this was amazing. And the band, the Live band plays their cover band. And it's great, basically, because we got the outdoor space, remember? And so we were front and center to this live band, and it was. [00:09:06] Speaker B: We were back. [00:09:07] Speaker A: Yeah, we were behind the band, front and center. [00:09:10] Speaker B: We were right in their asses, watching around. [00:09:12] Speaker A: Then we somehow made our way in front and started dancing. It was truly the best night ever. [00:09:18] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:09:19] Speaker A: It was. Yes. [00:09:21] Speaker B: I'm about to wait, Tommy. To get way in here. Tommy's over here. Howling, laughing he's like, what's wrong with you? No, it was great, Tommy. [00:09:27] Speaker A: It was. My point was that I had so many great nights with you, but, yes. [00:09:31] Speaker B: Okay, I'll keep it cover. [00:09:33] Speaker A: It was fantastic. And then the following day, the night before, we were at Cane prime, and we had our rehearsal dinner. We didn't call it that. We caught it our just pre wedding dinner. And we rented the back bar out and just had, like, great apps, our favorite bartenders. Because, mind you, we go there so much that we have a relationship. It's like our second home. So we already know all the people there. So that was awesome. And then that Sunday, we rented out the southern, which is a southern oyster bar. And the Ravens were playing. So we rented out a room, and they played the Ravens game, and we just kept the party going. And it was. [00:10:12] Speaker B: It was a Baltimore Sunday in Nashville. [00:10:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I think. And amongst all the things. I mean, of all the things there, I have a lot of cousins and most. Not all of them, but most of them were able to be there. And aunts, uncles, your mom, the girls. And I really felt like with that small, intimate group, I got to spend a lot of time with everybody. And the best part of that for me, other than marrying you and being with you, of course, was the intimate conversations that we were able to have with everybody. For example, on. I guess it was Saturday night or, no, Sunday night, I think just, you my cousin Nick and Stacy just sitting at 1230 club having wine after too late, but just had those memories of just like those special conversations. And we got to spend so much time with each individual person. [00:11:07] Speaker B: It was the difference between three times. We tried to have 200 or 300 people for 4 hours, and instead we had 30 people for four days, which was great. I mean, we got it exactly right. And you're right. The beauty of it was nothing was rushed, nothing was fly by. Everything was exact opposite. Everything was deep, but scheduled enough that we kept everybody together. There was a cadence, not so much. It was, oh, God, I'm on the clock again. But there was enough of a cadence that people were busy and involved and together. But there were opportunities to spring off, be off and do whatever you wanted. And what a great town for that, where some people wanted to go out and hit tootsies at 10:00 in the morning and watch one of three bands that are playing at 10:00 in the morning. So, yeah, what a great venue and what a cool city. [00:11:57] Speaker A: Yeah. And I would suggest if anybody is thinking of planning a wedding, that's a great way to do it. Now, I will say we were in a privileged position to do it how we did. And that's a little bit of virtue, us just being older and having. Being able to do that and just waiting to get married. But it was wonderful and such a special memory. So I'm glad we got to relive that with our audience, with our adoring. [00:12:20] Speaker B: Fans, most of which were there, those 30 people and our other 70 listeners. [00:12:29] Speaker A: So let's get into, hey, that's not so. [00:12:31] Speaker B: Not true. [00:12:33] Speaker A: So two years of marriage, again, absolutely no marriage expert on my part. What have you learned or experienced in the two years we've been married? And I just asked you the question, and I'm going to answer real quick. Yeah, go ahead. This is just one thing, because we always talk about it and just laugh about it immediately after we got married. The question was, oh, how's married life? Naturally, that's what people ask you. And our honest answer always was, it's the same as the day it was before. [00:13:06] Speaker B: Right? [00:13:07] Speaker A: The day before was exactly the same as it was the day after. And I think that really says actually so much. There is not one day that has felt different since we've gotten married. And I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that, but I've also heard other people say it really changes things, which to me is so foreign because what is? [00:13:36] Speaker B: Why? [00:13:36] Speaker A: Right? What is it? It would be to suggest, is it the pressure? [00:13:41] Speaker B: I don't know. The way I hear that is, it would be to suggest that some type of a switch flipped or something, or that event called the ceremony. That is, marriage had different expectations. On the other side, there was something that changed the relationship because that ceremony took place. And look, I get it. A marriage is a contractual event. That's part of what you're doing in that moment is the contractual piece. But I don't know, I would stop and ask a question, or also, too, it would be interesting to know if that person is. They're not answered, especially if they ask them the day after. They wouldn't say that. But in retrospect, if they look back, would it be. Yeah, you know what? It seems like things changed at that particular moment in our relationship, which I agree sounds really foreign. Or I think the other question would be, is having to do with age. How old were you? [00:14:36] Speaker A: I was going to go into, and. [00:14:37] Speaker B: I would say, did it change or did you change? Right. I mean, if I had to speak for me, and having been married prior, I absolutely, positively changed. But still, though, I'm still very aware enough to not look back at that moment and say, oh, it all changed right there. I would say that over time, certainly I changed, and some of that alignment became really difficult. So I would imagine there's a component of that that would be related to, and also not just age. Right. But the maturity component of how old you are, where, with where we are and were in our lives a whopping two years ago. There's no difference, right? I mean, we were absolutely the same people the day before, and even in the days, weeks, months, years going in, and certainly are the same people. And I would just say you were going to ask me a question about something, lessons learned or whatever. And we touched on this in one of our other podcasts, but it's the one that is most still to this day, poignant for me is how you never ever, and I got in trouble for this. I forgot to tell you in that episode, I was talking about how you never hold a grudge. And I went on to say I could tell when my parents were having a fight because there would be 50 gallons of milk. I don't know if you remember this comment, Tommy, but there'd be 50 gallons of milk. So I was talking to my mother the other day. [00:15:57] Speaker A: Explain that for people who haven't listened. [00:15:59] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. So when my mother and father would have a tiff of some kind, my mother's reaction, her natural reaction, was to get out, was to relieve herself from the situation. It's like the southwest thing. Want to get away? That was my mom's go to. So she would hop in the car and go for a drive or whatever. What she would usually do would be to go to the 711 and she'd. [00:16:16] Speaker A: Pick up a half, at least be productive. [00:16:18] Speaker B: Yeah, she'd get a half a gallon of milk, regardless of how much milk was in the fridge. So my comment in that episode was, well, I could tell when they were having our freak, because there'd be 50 gallons of milk in the refrigerator. Well, my mother teed my ass up last week, completely out of the blue. I said something. She's like, well, that's probably because there were 50 gallons of milk in the fridge. And I was like, oh, God. [00:16:38] Speaker A: It was like, there you go, Diana. [00:16:40] Speaker B: It was like nails across the chalkboard. I was like, oh, shit, you listen to this stuff. I forgot about that. [00:16:45] Speaker A: Well, it's just the truth. [00:16:48] Speaker B: It is. But my point in that thing was just that there was some of that demonstration when I was growing up, but my father was exactly the opposite. I think I even said that episode. He'd literally go upside your head and 15 minutes later you'd be playing catch or he'd be heading out to play nine holes or something. But that was the thing that early on in our relationship was new to me. Just this idea that we disagree about whatever it was. I was probably doing something stupid, usually, but that was it. It was truly over. And it was like we were playing catch five minutes later, just like what I had grown up with my father. That's the thing that makes it so. That's one of the things in our relationship that makes it as easy as it is. [00:17:32] Speaker A: Yeah. And of course, we've had little debates or disagreements or tension, even for a few hours. But we've never, ever had a real fight. Never. [00:17:48] Speaker B: Or anything that has any endurance to it. Never yelled, go to bed mad. None of that. Yeah, yelling. [00:17:54] Speaker A: Never ever yelled. [00:17:55] Speaker B: I think I got all my yelling out as a younger dumb boy. Man, I remember him my mid twenty s. And when I was taking over the business under a lot of duress, I could get loud. [00:18:09] Speaker A: Really, I could. [00:18:10] Speaker B: Yeah. This would be foreign to you, but I could get loud. And I would equate volume with urgency, which is what I'll say. Right. Well, it's not urgent unless you're screaming about it. And I would do that and I think go into some psycho, too. [00:18:24] Speaker A: That would actually scare me, because I've never seen it. It would be really fun in our relationship. I've seen you get after it in business a little bit. Not often, but I probably have a time or two. [00:18:38] Speaker B: Yeah, but that was something that I probably was not very good at keeping my cool, if you will. Now it's the exact opposite. I mean, my directs would say it's when he's quiet that you're really screwed. The quieter he gets, the worse it actually is. It's when he stops talking that you're in trouble. [00:18:57] Speaker A: Well, you've even mentioned, I mean, just self admittedly with the girls at times long, long ago when they were little, you might have been a little bit, I don't know, not yelling, but what's the right word? [00:19:12] Speaker B: I would just say less patient or say something through gritted teeth when they were tweaking my nerves, whether they just wouldn't stop. Something on a hard day or a day when I had my fuse was a little shorter than it might have been other days. [00:19:25] Speaker A: But it's taken since I've gotten to know you in the very beginning of our relationship. Sometimes it was almost like they were expecting that reaction, right? So now it's not like that at all. But I've literally seen them evolve and change their expectations of how they think you're going to react, because that's changed. I remember in the beginning, I didn't understand why would they ever think you would react like that? You've never reacted like that. And you were like, oh, yes, I did at one point. And that still stuck in their head, even if it was years ago. [00:19:58] Speaker B: Well, there was a lot, any number of stressors early on when they were little kids. I mean, the business wasn't running very well. It was running like shit in any number of spots. And I've referred to the idea of having to outrun it versus out think it, which outrun it means work harder, work longer, do it on less sleep. And sure, that contributes to a smaller fuse. And good or bad, you can blow up at your family members a bit. Right. Where are they going? Fight like family is definitely a thing. Yeah. [00:20:30] Speaker A: They're the ones that are always right there in front of you. [00:20:32] Speaker B: Yes. Where are they going? But that's what you ingrain. In retrospect, I realized that. And that's what you ingrain, where dad equals ogre. I mean, I had earned some of that along the way, and it takes a while to undo that. It's not just where the third time you're chill. They're like, hey, I guess dad's chill anymore? No, it's years and years and years or x number of repetitions of demonstration. And the hard part is, as they get older, you spend less time with them. They have their own lives, they have their own friends. So however many times it's going to take you demonstrating that you've chilled out and you're a little different than younger dad, and that was a big part of it, too. I was younger and immature dad at the same time, which was also contributing a lot to those types of reactions. [00:21:19] Speaker A: Going back to the comment about it being the same, our relationship being exactly the same the day before as it was the day after our marriage. And you talked about we were just more mature. And that is one thing about getting married a little bit later, I would say later in life. I mean, we had already lived together for three years. All of our finances were joint. I mean, we did that almost immediately, which again, is really easy to do when we're both contributing to the finances. Almost 50% sure. So we were in a very unusual position because I don't know that it's probably in most relationships, everybody's not. It's not a 50 50 finance. We don't even think about it. So we didn't have to talk about the money piece. We'd already lived together. We already really knew ourselves. So all of that, if you're a younger couple and maybe you haven't lived together or you just started, you don't have joint finances, all this stuff, and then all of a sudden you get married and you feel that pressure to have all that, then I can see how that's going to feel very high pressure. Now. What I can tell you is when my parents got married, I think they were 27, but what they tell me is they grew together because they're similar now, they're still different, but they have a lot of similar. They enjoy the same things. And I have asked them before, is that what initially attracted to you, that you guys were like the same things, the same people? They said, not at all. We were actually pretty different, but we've grown together to do and like the same things where when you're younger, I think it can go one of two ways. You end up growing together, and then you build, like, shared interests and a shared life, and you end up probably thinking a little bit the same, or you end up going in different directions, which was a little bit of what happened in your old relationship. [00:23:23] Speaker B: Sure. [00:23:25] Speaker A: The respect and the friendship was still there and still is there, which is amazing. Very much so. But the deep love that when you're married to somebody that was no longer there, and I'm speaking for you, but maybe, like, some of the shared interest or whatever that was, you went in opposite directions, and that was probably because you were young and you change a lot. So I think that timing piece really can make a huge difference. [00:23:54] Speaker B: And also, I wouldn't, 100% of the time, correlate age and maturity. I was also very immature, too. I mean, and I've talked about this any number of times, just not having older siblings or some demonstrations inside the household that would have helped me get there faster. Like, I watch our youngest, Olivia, who's trailing behind what is now a 21 and a 19 year old. I mean, that kid is fit. Like, she knows she has skills at 15 that I probably. And then throw in a supercomputer called a phone. She has skills at 15 that I probably was early 20s, probably even mid 20s, getting to understand something. Yeah. Certain relationships or how certain dots get connected. And I was much, much later in that regard. So certainly for me, the maturity on top of youth. So if you're young and immature, holy hell, look out. [00:24:52] Speaker A: Yes. Another thing that we've talked about a lot that can really make or break relationships a lot of times is when big events and often traumatic events happen. And I've seen this. We've talked about this, but I've also seen this with my family. So, for instance, if there's a death in the family and that person that you're with is there for you while you're going through, and death is one example, it doesn't have to necessarily be death. It could be anything that's super traumatic in your life, and you lean on that person to get through those times. Then all of a sudden, you feel this deep loyalty and discerning between loyalty and love, especially when you're young, can be hard and you can mistake one for the other. It can also drive people apart, having to deal with that grief and that trauma. But I see that a lot as either something that brings people closer together and it sticks or initially brings people together, and then you realize, well, it's loyalty here. It's not love or drives people apart. Loyalty is something we've talked about. [00:26:00] Speaker B: Yeah, sure, there are any number of relationships that are still there or get formed out of loyalty. You know, I know my father passed away when I was 24 years old. And, you know, there were a lot of people that were around in that moment and were supporting my mother. My mother was a very young widow, as my father was 50 years older. [00:26:21] Speaker A: How old was your mom? [00:26:23] Speaker B: She was 45. [00:26:28] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. [00:26:28] Speaker B: Yeah, 45. 45 year old widow. [00:26:30] Speaker A: Unbelievable. [00:26:31] Speaker B: So a little bit younger than me. A little bit older than you. Widow. So that was certain. There was lots of people around that were supportive in that moment. And you do create. There is a sense of loyalty that you start to build as part of that. So, yeah, that's definitely a thing that I've noticed. And then the other piece, too. And the other one that really can be. We definitely have our Dr. Ruth thing going on here today with our relationships with Dr. Ruth. Oh, yeah, it's a little before your time, but there used to be a talk show with Dr. Ruth Westheimer, and she used to talk about relationships with people long before they were podcasts and actually in studio, like Dr. Drew. You know Dr. Drew. [00:27:12] Speaker A: Yes, I know. [00:27:12] Speaker B: Precursor to Drew, Dr. Phil. [00:27:14] Speaker A: Wouldn't that technically be in, like, Dr. Phil's Lane, not Dr. Drew. [00:27:19] Speaker B: She was one of the leaders. Tommy, your job is to google Dr. Ruth and see what she was laying down way back when. I'm. [00:27:27] Speaker A: No, no, you don't. Don't follow this. [00:27:30] Speaker B: Wait till you watch these clips. They're going to be great. But the things that. One of the things I talked about the girls is the difference, too. You talk about difference between love and loyalty. The other one is possession, too, for females. Right. I mean, their possession can have a look that is very much like love. And that's something that know counseling. And we're talking to the girls a lot where it looks, know Johnny loves you or whatever that is. Well, try to get away, see how Johnny reacts. And that'll tell you if you got love or if you have possession. But, yeah, so lots of stuff for our listeners today. [00:28:01] Speaker A: I was hyper aware of that, actually. And I would do things in spite of. So I don't know, in my previous relationships, if anyone had an expectation that I was going to do something, I would definitely not do it. [00:28:16] Speaker B: Right. [00:28:17] Speaker A: I would do the opposite to the point where I'm like, oh, they expect me to do that. I'm definitely not doing that. I think it was part of. And I took it to the extreme. Like, I overcompensated, really. They were just trying to have a relationship, and I don't even think that possession thing was there. [00:28:36] Speaker B: They wouldn't have dinner. And you went dark for four days. [00:28:38] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm like, what do you think? We're going to have dinner. [00:28:42] Speaker B: You and your dinner. [00:28:44] Speaker A: It was bad. It was really bad. Oh, my God. For so long, I've talked about this, but so independent and so okay with not being in a relationship and then add on on top of it. I'm like, you're not going to take my independence away. You're not going to own me. I'm going to run this shit until I met you. And I'm not sure how you necessarily broke those barriers in that defense, because I had a lot of them. And even though I had been in a prior relationship, a longer relationship, those never got broken down. Like, I still just always had those walls up. And I'm not sure how you did it, but somehow you were very good at disarming me. And I don't know if it was just consistency or if you're like, all right, I'll sit here and wait, but we're going to talk about this, or I'm not sure. How did you do that? I don't think you intentionally. [00:29:49] Speaker B: Well, I'm trying to remember in the moment. I think it was exactly what you said. I mean, we talked a lot on here about, listen, I was headlong into growing a business that looks like it does now with lots of pursuits. And also, too, I was well out of my marriage at that point, but still very head down. I was also still very cognizant of the girl's needs and still even feeling some guilt. That was definitely a driver in there. Was feeling guilty about the failure of their children's parents, I think is the way to say it. Right? The marriage being one thing, but the failure of my kids parents, which had a very profound effect on them. So I was very aware of that and would make myself available. Twenty four seven. I would skip doing things just in case they needed me. And this was well into when they. [00:30:49] Speaker A: Weren'T going to need you. [00:30:50] Speaker B: When they weren't. Yeah, but I would still do that. So I think it wasn't intentional or it was just, I was great with where I was. I had come to terms with what it might look like for a while because I was definitely aware that whatever the traditional dating thing looked like, that it wasn't going to work for me at all. It really wasn't that. It was just going to be frustrating other people and not being available physically and or mentally and prioritizing the girls in work one and one a and girls being one, work being one a and going back and forth. They were absolutely on the exact same level. And I think I had just committed myself to the idea that no one's breaking into that. And so therefore, when we started dating, which was very easy. Right. Everything about. It was just so unintentional, right. We had lunch that lasted for seven and a half hours and it was so easy and so comfortable and natural that I was like, I didn't have to do anything but show up the way I always wanted to show up and you liked it. But at the same time, there was never anything. If I had tried dating along the way quickly, it was into what are we doing next? What are we doing now? There was this and I'm like, well, hang on a minute. I still have these two massive things called the Arnold girls and Arnold packaging. And hold on a minute. Where it wasn't that way. You certainly had more than enough of your own interests. Where there was nothing about our relationship, where I was playing chase, if you will, which I'm sure as attractive as you are, in so many different ways, guys would feel the need to play chase. And young Mick Arnold might have played chase too. I mean, I could have been right in there playing chase or doing that, know, older, more maturenold was, hey, look, I can only be me right now. And if somehow that works, we'll see where it goes. But at my age, I'm like, this tiger is not changing his stripes. I'm going to be this tiger until further notice with the ability to evolve and listen and want to get better, but pretty well evolved at this particular point. And you just happen to be aligned with it, which is why it works as well as it does. [00:33:01] Speaker A: I think you totally hit the nail on the head. I think that's absolutely what it was, was you already had your own life, your own business, your daughters. So you were already so successful and independent in your own right that that was really attracted to me. There was nothing that felt like a. Yeah, that's what it was. You were just so independent in your own right and successful and also, too, you were and still are ahead of me as far as career and the things you've achieved. And to me, that is really motivational and inspirational, not threatening. Where I think a lot of the other times, maybe I felt like I was pulling someone along or wanted more for them. Wanted them to want more, maybe. [00:33:59] Speaker B: Yeah. So something that would look like a lack of ambition to you would be a hard. [00:34:04] Speaker A: Not always would be hard and not across the board, actually. I will say overall, and I didn't date all that much. Most of the guys I dated are very successful and were, but you were on a whole different level. And we've talked about never being jealous or just being inspired and motivated. And also, once we started getting deeper into our relationship, you opening my eyes is like, well, have you thought about this? And it was just a much bigger vision. And then when you start, you're like, well, this is intriguing. I love the way he thinks and starting to get inside your head. I think what kept me coming back is just also that piece of I was learning from you and motivated by you, which is huge in a relationship, as I've always said. Sounds cliche, but it's so simple to initially evaluate if it's a good relationship. And all you have to ask yourself is, when I'm with this person, am I a better human being? [00:35:05] Speaker B: Right? [00:35:06] Speaker A: Period. Sure. If the answer is no or I'm not sure, I would say it's not the right relationship, right? [00:35:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:35:13] Speaker A: I don't think it's hard. Relationships are hard, but that question is very indicative. [00:35:19] Speaker B: Sure. And I think it's important and vice versa. I was learning, too, like, well, what could you be learning? The number of things that we talk about on this podcast. Our last one, we talked about males and females, and the commentary was around how I show up with some more. We'll call them feminine qualities, I think is how we summed up or framed that last episode. [00:35:42] Speaker A: Stereotypical. [00:35:44] Speaker B: Stereotypical. But a lot of that I learned. That's what I was learning. Obviously, we talk about the scrappy part and a smaller business and being resourceful and being very respectful of resources, which is also called scrappy, where you're not taking anything for granted and you're watching pennies in spots. And I had learned, or I was watching real time going, oh, my goodness, we're definitely taking some liberties. I learned some of that through some acquisitions of smaller businesses where they were actually out scrapping us in spots despite us having significantly more size and resources, they were still beating us to the punch in any number of spots. And I was watching you do that real time. And so the attraction for me was just as big, but just had a little different look to it for the things. And then throw in what I have learned in exactly what we talked about on our last podcast was being able to watch what I refer to as the plight of the female, if you will. Right? Some of the comments, some of the comments we got coming out of the. [00:36:49] Speaker A: Last episode were, I could address so. [00:36:51] Speaker B: Many, which you never will. [00:36:55] Speaker A: I might just for comedic relief. [00:36:57] Speaker B: Somebody's going to catch on the wrong day, and it's going to be a. [00:36:59] Speaker A: I'm not going to lie. I slept 4 hours last night, and for 1 hour I was thinking about what my answer would be to some of these comments. [00:37:07] Speaker B: Thanks a lot, tommy. Tommy said, oh, hell, what do I do with this? The answer is nothing. Absolutely. [00:37:15] Speaker A: But I don't care if it's childish or not. Every human being. I'm going to get tons of comments and always do. [00:37:22] Speaker B: Somehow I get none. [00:37:25] Speaker A: Come on, girl. I feel like there's some females out here that want to tell Mick he's a dumb dumb. [00:37:29] Speaker B: Yeah. No. No. [00:37:30] Speaker A: God, please leave comments on the YouTube channel that Mick is a dumb dumb. [00:37:34] Speaker B: He's like, well, the guy always calls himself a dumb dumb. What am I supposed to do, chime in on that? That's the reason I call myself a dumb dumb. [00:37:40] Speaker A: See? [00:37:40] Speaker B: But anyway, back to where we're going. [00:37:43] Speaker A: Wait, I just have to finish this because I was handed everything I was born into, the family business. I almost tanked the business. I don't have. Callous is on my hands. What else? [00:37:59] Speaker B: You should go back to fitness. [00:38:00] Speaker A: I should go back to fitness. I got the education and paid all the money for the education folks. My parents paid $0 for my education. Zero. But could we go on? [00:38:13] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I can wander. [00:38:16] Speaker A: I just had to get it out. I had to be a child for 1 second here. [00:38:19] Speaker B: Yeah, and you earned that. All I was saying was I was equally taking in and learning and evolving real time. And the big thing that was missing in my life was exposure to females and then different types of females. I mean, you certainly are a very different female animal than anyone that I had ever experienced. And I spent a lot of the time sitting back, taking it in and saying, oh, okay, what a great perch. I have to watch all this go down and just absorb it all real time and was able to contribute or communicate or make suggestions along the way. But by and large, I sit on the sidelines and cheer my ass off. [00:38:59] Speaker A: Yeah, you've definitely made me a much better communicator. And it's because you've almost forced me to be. Definitely. So that is absolutely something I've learned from you. I would say as we've grown together, married or not married, just in our relationship, the one thing that continues, the one thing among many that continues to spark our relationship is we understand each other. And as we've talked about, you and I love, to a degree, controlled chaos, we get a lot of excitement, adrenaline, when we feel like we're pushing big boulders up a hill. This is not for everyone. I'm going to talk about us and then you've got to identify what lights you up in your relationship for us. We realize, both of us, like those big new ventures, exciting, and it could be anything. It could be investing in something new. It could be starting a new business inside our businesses. It could be freaking moving. It could be a podcast. But it's like, very big and somewhat disruptive things that are scary, like you and, like, I even have that athletically. I'm like, I don't want to run a marathon. I don't want to run ultra marathon. Just those kind of. [00:40:17] Speaker B: Do you want to tell the crowd that you were shedding tears as the Baltimore marathon ran by and you weren't running with them? Literally shedding tears? [00:40:25] Speaker A: I know. Okay, so I don't cry, but I was. [00:40:27] Speaker B: That is true. You don't cry. [00:40:28] Speaker A: I know I don't cry, but I do. [00:40:30] Speaker B: All the crying. [00:40:31] Speaker A: Am not able to run right now. I'll just leave it at that. [00:40:37] Speaker B: As intensely as you want. [00:40:39] Speaker A: Yeah, really? And so the Baltimore marathon goes right past our house. So I went out. I really wanted to see the elite runners, so I went out, and I just had this reaction where I just started crying because it made me so happy for that. [00:40:55] Speaker B: I was trying to remember if we had a dog and you took it out and someone ran it over. That's a look on your face when you came back. Like someone had taken. It was raining, but someone had taken more than just your sunshine. [00:41:06] Speaker A: No. So, first of all, I was so happy. I think they were a little bit more than halfway through. So those elite runners, they still had a lot to go, but I was just experiencing their joy. And for me, pushing that look on. [00:41:22] Speaker B: Their face that looked like joy. [00:41:23] Speaker A: Well, pushing your body beyond any measure that you can ever think of is what I ultimately just want to do. So, anyway, those emotions came through, and all I could think of was like, this is what I need to do. I need to go after I'm released. Released into the wild. And just like that's the right term, go run an ultramarathon as just almost die doing it. [00:41:52] Speaker B: Yeah. Great. That's awesome. I'll look forward to that. I think your point here with a was. [00:41:56] Speaker A: Well, my point here. Sorry, back to it. So we identify, like, those types of ventures light us up. So what we've been able to do now is lean in on that. And you and I are. I mean, God, just last night we were talking about doing things that we shouldn't be doing right now, but it lights us up. [00:42:16] Speaker B: With no governor. [00:42:17] Speaker A: With no governor. [00:42:18] Speaker B: No one is governing any of the events. [00:42:21] Speaker A: No. [00:42:21] Speaker B: At least we know it, though, because early in our relationship, we each thought the other one had some semblance of a brain, and we're like, well, it must not be a bad idea if he's going for it. And I'd be thinking the same thing. Oh, it can't be that crazy if she's going for it. Meanwhile, it was completely insane. And neither of us was watching the store at all. [00:42:40] Speaker A: No, it still goes on. It does. But I think that really keeps our relationship really fun. And we're laughing about it because we are a bit. I say we're impulsive. We are. But we're also very strategic and calculated. [00:42:55] Speaker B: Sure, it would look wild as hell from the outside, but, I mean, we. [00:42:58] Speaker A: Like risk for sure and anything. I mean, things can go wrong for sure with the way we do it. But my point was, together, we've been able to go in on a lot of those ventures, whether it's anything, and enjoy it together and get, like, real. What's the word? [00:43:18] Speaker B: Just inspiration. [00:43:19] Speaker A: Inspiration, yeah, inspiration. Excitement, fire. And it's going to be impossible to keep that up. So I don't want to say we're relying on that, but interjecting that and just. I think the point is understanding what you and your significant other really enjoy doing together and what lights you up and then leaning into that collectively. [00:43:40] Speaker B: Well, can you imagine, though, what we're talking about? If you had one person, if you had one of us and somebody else that was opposed to that, how brutal it would be for both sides, right. Where one person is always looking to reinvent or even. I mean, I think you and I can even take it one step too far, which one could call sabotage. We'll sabotage the calmness if it gets too calm. It's almost like something's wrong and we've got to get back to the bedlam as quickly as possible. But, boy, that's one where if you missed on your mate or your chosen mate, and those were the two diametrically opposed qualities you had or characteristics, that would be brutal. It would drive each other nuts. [00:44:24] Speaker A: Obviously, ying and yang works. It would never work for us. Well, we know it works. We hear people talk about it. But that ying and yang, I don't think that could work long term. It would be hard. [00:44:36] Speaker B: Sure. [00:44:38] Speaker A: Yeah, we're definitely the yang. And yang. And yang yang. What the hell did you do? We're a yang or yang or a ying and yang. Whatever one you want to go. [00:44:47] Speaker B: I don't know which one we are, but. [00:44:49] Speaker A: Right, yeah, no, absolutely. [00:44:51] Speaker B: Yeah. I think that one plus one equals ten. Thing is really important here. But we would drive other types of people absolutely. Out of their tree. [00:45:01] Speaker A: Yes. [00:45:03] Speaker B: We drive me out of my tree every once in a while. And I drive you out of your tree. That happens. [00:45:07] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it's always going to happen, but it pushes us to go a little bit hard. I mean, the way we decided to move into the place we're in now, which we had no conversation about moving at all, was to see we live in the city, so the garages are not big, was to see if my suv fit in the garage. And if it fit, we were going to put an offer on the house same day. [00:45:35] Speaker B: Right. [00:45:35] Speaker A: If it didn't, we weren't. [00:45:36] Speaker B: That's right. [00:45:37] Speaker A: And we did. [00:45:37] Speaker B: That's right. [00:45:37] Speaker A: And we live there now. [00:45:38] Speaker B: Well, that was one of the weirdest days, too, because normally, if I am suggesting something that's insane, you normally meet me there pretty quick. Now, this day was different. We had this story about taxes in Baltimore and how they were just. I don't know, it was a Sunday. [00:45:56] Speaker A: They're like, taxes are absurd in Baltimore. Let's go buy a house in Baltimore. That makes a lot of sense. [00:46:02] Speaker B: It changed my perception of it a little bit. I was off a little after doing the research, and I think it was one of those days where I don't remember. Well, we know because we came back from getting married exactly two years ago, promptly packed all of our shit and moved. So that was the other thing we. [00:46:17] Speaker A: Were doing, right when we got back. [00:46:18] Speaker B: And then packed our businesses up. [00:46:20] Speaker A: That's how our honeymoon went. People ask me how my honeymoon was. [00:46:23] Speaker B: Your honeymoon was, if you remember, initially, I had scheduled a factory acceptance test to go watch a machine run in Dallas. We were going to fly the day after our wedding to. They can't hear me. I can clack on here all I want. We were going to hop on a plane, fly to Dallas to watch a robot run, and then come our, which is a beautiful honeymoon. A factory acceptance test for a piece of automation. Come on. Come on. [00:46:47] Speaker A: We'll make up for that honeymoon. [00:46:48] Speaker B: Come on, ladies. Tell her how cool it is. No. Instead, we flew home, packed all our shit and moved, and then 30 days later, packed our businesses up and moved here. [00:46:59] Speaker A: Yes, indeed we did. [00:47:00] Speaker B: So there's that impulse control issue that. [00:47:02] Speaker A: We talk about right now. What else would you say? If you could only pick one? Let's say lesson. Let's use the word lesson that you have learned or that you've changed. This might even be a better. That you've changed your mind on in the last two years of our marriage that have made you a better human. [00:47:30] Speaker B: Boy, that's a good one. There's quite a few of them, but it'll always come back to the communication part. And not that I changed my mind on it, but that I absolutely doubled down on it. I'm not sure that I always felt like communication was worth it 100% of the time. There's definitely times in relationships, and I mean all of them, business, personal, social, whatever. There's definitely times where I was too lazy to continue to communicate or follow through or see the communication through. And that's something that's totally different. I will actually lean into it and lean into it and continue to lean into it until I'm convinced, not confident. I'm convinced it's where it should be. And there's things that I talk about when I'm talking to you or I talk to my team, direct people I work with. Two of the things that terrify me are made up stories and unspoken truths, and I'll bring that up when I'll watch my teammates have a breakthrough. And 99.9% of the time, it's because they went into a room and sat down and had a meaningful conversation, and they solved for all the shit that they had made up along the way. And each of them had all of these made up stories about what the other one was thinking or doing or feeling or experiencing, and they just leaned deeper into, or finally, even at times, took the time to communicate and got on the other side of it because they blew up what I would call all of those made up stories. So the number one thing, and we'll continue to do this and invest in this, and I hope, if you ask me, two years from now, on our fourth anniversary, when we're still doing this, and we'll be, let's see, two times 52 will be 117, 20 episodes in something like that. That will definitely be a component, or I'll be talking about something that I learned that came from digging into or leaning into communication more than I had in the prior and how I'd continue to build on top of that in the two years since you asked me last. [00:49:38] Speaker A: Yeah, that's great. My mind hasn't changed on this, but as I said, I've just become a much better communicator, and that has changed my life all around, in every aspect personal, with my family, with work. The other thing I will say, which I learned, what I never believed was possible, was that relationships can be really easy. Everything you hear along the way I remember hearing this since I was a little kid and never from my parents, because I don't think it was necessarily hard for them either. But is that relationships are always going to be hard. You always have to work at them. Here's the thing. We probably would have never be in the relationship if we did have to work hard at it initially at least, because you didn't have the time. I didn't have the time. And quite frankly, we didn't have much of that interest because we weren't trying. Right. It was a business relationship, if anything. And that would have been okay because that's what we went into it. [00:50:45] Speaker B: We'd still be great friends, rooting each other all. [00:50:48] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:50:48] Speaker B: We'd still be thinking of it now. [00:50:51] Speaker A: Makes me want to throw up or cry, actually. [00:50:54] Speaker B: I actually just got that same wave. I thought I might throw up or cry too. But yeah, we'd be high fiving it out on LinkedIn from a distance or whatever. That would still be there. There'd still be that type of attraction. But the attraction that ultimately flourished out of it was incredibly easy because you're right, there was limited bandwidth. And anything that would have felt hard or would have been just a little bit more. [00:51:16] Speaker A: Just a little hard, well, it could. [00:51:17] Speaker B: Have been the absolute. Anything could at any moment, at least for me, in that particular point of my life, anything could have been the straw that broke the camel's back. And if it looked like that at all, versus Arnold girls and Arnold packaging, I was running from it. There was no. Or not even running right. I was just ending all engagement as fast as humanly possible because there was no time for any straws to be broken at that particular point. [00:51:41] Speaker A: Yeah. And when we met, I was just starting my business. So there was nothing that was going to get in the way with that. And that was awe consuming. That's all I cared about. So I would not have let anything even potentially get in the way of that. So my point was, it was so easy. And I never believed that it could be that easy. When we moved in, nothing changed. Even when you're. [00:52:08] Speaker B: That was easier. I mean, that was the easier. [00:52:12] Speaker A: My God, but you think your privacy is gone. I've never lived with somebody lately and nothing changed. So that would be the thing I've learned, is don't believe when you hear that a relationship cannot be easy. In fact, I would even go as far to say it should be easy. Every relationship is different. But I have never felt a day like I've had to work. It's just been what I want to do and what I'm going to do. It's never like I've had to intentionally, deliberately work hard at it. [00:52:44] Speaker B: Stop this, start that has that seesaw thing we like to talk about, where they are mutually exclusive. [00:52:49] Speaker A: I mean, certainly I think about, what could I do better as a wife or a partner? I always want to be thinking about how I can be better and do better, but it's never like, oh, my God, I've got to work it to make this thing right. [00:53:01] Speaker B: Which would have a this or that feel where you'd be choosing. [00:53:04] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:53:05] Speaker B: Instead of choosing it all. [00:53:07] Speaker A: And I choose all. [00:53:08] Speaker B: I choose all. Two years later, two years later, here we are. [00:53:12] Speaker A: And I think it's about time that we wrap this up and go have an anniversary dinner. [00:53:16] Speaker B: Yes. And it's not a fact, you'll be happy to know, while we have a bots on the other side of that wall. It's not a factory acceptance test. [00:53:22] Speaker A: Oh, lucky me. [00:53:24] Speaker B: Happy anniversary. [00:53:25] Speaker A: I got to do it with this one. [00:53:25] Speaker B: Yes. [00:53:26] Speaker A: Love you, too. Happy anniversary. [00:53:27] Speaker B: Best years ever. Close.